Monday, May 14, 2012

Dinner with our Fam

I'm so tired.  All of this is so mentally exhausting.  I'm behind on my posting and have so much to write about.

I've wanted to do posts on the stupid things people have said and the opinions they have offered, race, all of the friends we have met who are still waiting their turn, and one on the room I have been working on but haven't gotten any of them done.

I now have posts that need done on our dinner with our family, our visit to the hospital for the first false alarm (yes, I said the first), the next doctor's visit, the big fight with my boss, the second hospital visit, the meeting with my sister and J,  and then the phone calls today and what J was stressing about.

Here is some details about our family dinner.  We had scheduled to meet in a nearby town that was probably equally between our two locations.  We had invited my mom, step dad, grandma and grandpa, Matt's mom and step dad , and Matt's aunt and uncle.  That Sunday we had scheduled a birthday dinner at my grandma's house for several April/ May family members.  We ate a ton of my grandma's fantastic cooking, as usual.

My aunt (who I hadn't really invited) was asking about how things were going.  I was telling her that we were going to meet J for dinner and she asked if they were supposed to go too.  I said they were welcome to go (they have four kids and not a lot of money, so I knew them taking their whole family out was probably not something they would be able to do which is why I didn't originally invite them) if they wanted.  She said she would talk to my uncle but wouldn't be able to bring the kids due to two of the four cousins having a severe peanut allergy.  I told her it was fine if just her or her and my uncle went.

About this time I remembered that I hadn't told my grandma ( who I am real
ly close with) about J's plan to take the baby home for a few days.  When I told her, she was not happy and said,  "Well, if that's the case, then I don't want to meet her until we know for sure".  My grandma is a very loving person and so nice and helpful-- and I am totally spoiled by her and my grandpa but this came out very sharp.  My aunt and I looked at each other because it really was rude.  I told her that was fine if she didn't want to meet her.  I ended up leaving shortly after because my feelings were so hurt.

I called my grandma once I got home and asked her if she was going or not because I needed to figure out who was riding with who (my mom and grandma were going to ride together originally-- my step dad was going to be out of town and my grandpa was going to stay home to rest from his healing broken ribs)  She now said she was going and I just dropped the whole comment from earlier.  I know it was because she is scared for us and doesn't want to see us get hurt.

When I called my aunt to talk about car plans, she said that they were all going.  So that was 4 cousins and my aunt and uncle and my grandpa was going as well.

I love my family to death but they do drive me nuts!!

Matt and I arrived first at the restaurant and J and her husband and A came a few minutes later.  I had put our name in when we arrived and was surprised at how busy it was.  Our family within a few minutes of each other and everyone greeted J and her family.   Matt's mom brought a bag with some cars and a notebook and crayons for A.  He played with those cars after eating as we sat at the tables.

When they called us in for the table, we had two tables of 8.  Everyone kind of took a seat, except for J's family and Matt and I.  There were 3 seats open at each table and that wasn't going to work! Everyone was staring at us and I couldn't figure it out.  I needed people to get up and move! I wanted Matt's mom and grandma to be able to be at the table with J and didn't care about the kids being by her.  (My aunt didn't want the two allergy kids to sit by anyone eating- *they couldn't eat of course* so they all had to stick together ... it was just an awkward few minutes with us standing around looking dumb!  Finally my grandpa took charge (like usual) and told who to move and we got settled in.  The table with J and her family had my grandma , mom, and Matt's mom and step dad plus Matt and I.

J and C didn't talk a whole lot to our family because they are very shy at first and the little bit of a language barrier make it a little harder.  They talked a lot with Matt and I however, and we laughed a lot.  I think that meeting our family was exactly what J had wanted and enjoyed the night.  I think our family was happy to get to meet them, just didn't feel like they got to talk to her much.

One of the funny things that J's husband asked was, "Is there more?" (meaning family)  and we said, "Oh yes, lot's more" and all laughed.  I kept laughing and telling them we are all crazy!

All of our family left before us and as we were walking out I asked them what they thought.  They both laughed and said that they thought it was fine.  I left the night thinking that they really did enjoy it.


  1. I'm sure your grandma is just worried for you and doesn't want you guys to get hurt. I can't blame her. I also know how much it must have hurt you to hear her react as she did.

    My older brother and SIL were very similar about our adoption. He was just so worried that we'd get hurt and as a result, he hurt me instead. When my SIL met Gus for the first time, she didn't hold him. It killed me.

    People deal with things differently and there's nothing we can do about it. Just embrace the love and support that you do get and try not to worry about other things.

    I think you're brave for allowing so many family members to go with you. We're doing a family party for Gus next weekend in MI (We live in GA) and it's the very first time that my whole family (and extended family) will be meeting Gus's birth family (both sides). It should be interesting.

    I'm waiting on pins and needles for more posts... two false alarms???? I can't wait to read about the room too!!

  2. I think its safe to say all families are crazy! It's hard when those you love most say or do things that hurt. I really found being honest back helped. It was so scary to do but you need your support to be your support. I had people I thought would be there for support during my month in PA that turned out not to be best utilized as support while others I never expected became my rocks. I think its an ok time to realize that people are going to deal w the feelings about adoption differently some will be emotionally ready and those are tge ones you can lean on. Others are not there yet but you don't have the energy now to help them- let them fade into the background. Everyone will come around.

    What's going on at work? Thinking of you! Happy belated mothers day!

  3. I agree she is just worried for you. I remember before Dana, our surrogate, had Charlie, we were at a friend's house and her older aunt was there. When we told her about the coming baby she said "Oh, she's not gonna give you that baby.'re not gonna see that baby." It was a little jarring...and not as harsh since I wasn't related to her....but still..I think it just happens sometimes. And of course she was wrong. :)

    I love reading your updates. :) I wish there were more. :) But I'm sure you're so busy right now..cannot wait to hear about the real thing!!!