Wednesday, August 29, 2012

3rd showing in 3 weeks

I'm skipping ahead a bit here but want to get this out there.  We could really use your prayers and good thoughts.  We are being shown to a potential birth mom tomorrow, the day of her induction. 

We have been shown two other times over the past three weeks.  The first one came down to us and the other family for a little boy due Sept. 22.  The second one we got called on our anniversary and it was for a tiny little baby girl.  I don't know details about why we were not selected who it came down to or anything, just that it was not us that time.

The situation today of course has several special circumstances which is why they called us to ask if we want to be shown.  All four of the times we have been shown (that we know of ) they have called us on.  I did not expect that at all.  I was expecting lots of waiting and then one day the magic call.  It puts so much pressure on me to have to decide yes or no.  We completed the multi page document with what we are open to so when they call and give us scenarios... it makes me start to second guess. 

But, we are pretty much 100% comfortable with the circumstances with this baby and throwing our hat in the ring for tomorrow.  Like I mentioned, expecting mom is being induced so not sure if she will get a decision made or not tomorrow.  Depends on how she is feeling they said. 

But...after two recent no's.... I really don't want to hear a no again. 

The problem with blogging

I'm a little OCD when it comes to my blogs.  I say blogs because I have multiple ones.  I'm pretty much behind on all of them.  My ladies group and my book club ones are up to date, but that really just requires a monthly post on the what and where. 

When I get really tired or busy, I don't have (make) time to write.  I read all of my favorite blogs and love them to pieces but I don't get comments done like I would like and posts done on my own.  I start these blogs to be a place to keep memories for myself.  I love looking back at them and can't believe I have done it for as long as I have.  Some of them go back several years. 

When I am in one of these busy/ tired slumps... I miss important events and day to day thoughts and emotions.  I think of little things I would like to pop in and post...but don't let myself do it because I say (does anyone else talk to themselves this much) that I can't post that yet- I haven't written about such and such yet.  And then, I'm way way behind. 

This happened with my general family blog.  We took an amazing trip to Disney and that of course required a ton of time and thought to post about our wonderful trip.  I was doing good posting weekly updates and reviews on what we had done but got in a rut because I couldn't post anything until I had the Disney update done. 

Anywho... so that is my story (excuse).  I just updated my time line on the side bar and have several things that I haven't written about.  I also of course, have had quite a range of emotions during all of this.  I know I have forgotten some of it and this makes me sad. 

Our time with J and baby girl was so special.  I don't want these memories to fade, but I know they are not going to be the part of our life we had hoped. 

So, as I write a little about the events over the past two months- it will be brief.  I'm not going to stress about getting every little thing down.  Just like I never had the chance to write about our awesome birth/ hospital experience.  It was so much so fast, I thought I would be able to do it as baby girl was in my arms and a few weeks old. 

I love her so much.