Post Placement visit #1

I believe in honesty here on my blog.  I have been inspired, encouraged, brought to tears and reassured from many of the blogs I have spent hours reading over the years. 

As Matt was leaving for work tonight, all of us happened to be in B's room as he was telling him goodnight.  As I looked around at his messy 8-year-old-can't-keep-it-clean-longer-than-a-day-room, I told him that R was going to be here tomorrow when he gets home from school. 

He casually asked what for and I said, "remember...she is coming to make sure that we are providing a good home for Mar".  

Then I remembered that she was just here in early October doing our homestudy renewal visit.  She sat on this same couch I am now typing on and asked us about why we had certain things selected/ not selected on our profile sheet. 

Specifically, she asked about race.  

It doesn't matter to her what we select, but she did say she had a emom she was working with and the way our profile stands, we would not be shown.

She did specify anymore and we didn't ask.  We said we would look it over and discuss any changes we wanted to make.  We had already been talking about race/ some of the drug use questions and so that was not a problem for us to update our sheet.

Here is the honesty part.   It was me that did not have full African American selected on our profile.  I had half, I had mixed with anything, but I didn't select full.

I was scared. 

I get really nervous when I don't know exactly what to do. 

Before we got into the adoption world, I would have selected AA with no fear.  After all of my blog reading, forums, books, etc.... I got scared. 

Things like ashy skin, haircare, bathing, braids, parts, co-wash, no poo, styling day...all of this was so intimidating to me!  I didn't know how to do it!

After Matt and I talked, I realized that I knew it didn't matter what our baby looked like, but that it was okay for me to not know how to do all of those things. It was okay for me to have to learn them.  So, we opened up our profile- all the way!

As far as hair- I don't know how to do a white girls hair so I would have to learn that too.  When I would have daycare girls here- I wasn't ever one to brush/ braid/ play with their hair.  I didn't know how to do that!  So, learning how to do a baby with black hair was going to be okay.  I could figure it out.

Skin- I don't know why but the term "ashy skin" sounds so intimidating to me!  I read on one post that the commenter said that "ashy skin is a sign on neglect".  I don't know if that is true or not, but it scared the daylights out of me!  What if I didn't do something right and she got the dreaded ashy skin?!?!

I am still scared of the fact that I don't know how to do all of these things perfectly, but I suppose I didn't do everything perfect with my own biological son either.  And he has turned out pretty good.

I'm still learning- with both of them.  He is a boy, just turned 8.  I haven't done that before.  She is a girl, just turned 11 weeks.  I haven't done that yet either.  I love them both like crazy.  I'm still scared but they are my favorite boy and favorite girl.

In case you are wondering- her hair and skin are both absolutely beautiful!  I've done good.

Don't Hate Me....

I know. I'm bad. I stink.  I left you hangin..........

I said I wouldn't do it again and leave our story unwritten. 

One day turned into a few.

A few turned into a week.

A week turned into a few.

Then we were one month past her birthday and I still hadn't posted.

Today she is two months old.

And I haven't told you how she is, how we are, or how incredibly blessed we are:

Everything is better than we prayed for.  Everything seems too good to be true.  Everything is what we thought we could only dream about.  Marla and her birth mom..."MeMar" are ahhhhmazing. 

I hate that I have missed so much.  I know I already can't remember it all.  It just keeps coming over and over ....good, better, best! 

Life has been crazy, as usual.  Back to work quickly after ICPC and home for a week.  Wrestling season for B and the holidays.  A wonderful flow of family and friends coming to visit.  Our taxes looming over me like a black cloud that need to get done.  Like tomorrow.  Laundry to fold.  Extra room to clean out.  Photos to organize.  Photos to print.  Projects with the daycare kids.  Dog hair to vacuum.  And the worst....dinner to cook.

I promise.  I pinky swear.  I will fill you in with some of our story.  I love sharing it!!!

But, here are three pics to get you by. 

Our first "official" family picture.  TPR were signed a few hours before this and we took our "kids" (still feels strange to say kidS) to see Santa at the museum.

   Thanks for those of you who stuck around!  Please leave a quick comment to tell me you if you are still here!

Beautiful day

I don't have time for a full post but know there are many of you (by many, I mean 4) who are waiting for news.

We had an absolutely fantastic day meeting that sweet baby at the hospital.  Our talks with A and her family made it even better.  I can't wait to share more, but we got home late.  We stopped to develop some pics and shared with the grandparents.  I'm still not packed and ready to leave the house tomorrow for our ICPC stay.

We are leaving the hospital with her tomorrow and I can't believe this is my last night before life gets crazy again with a newborn!

More pics and details coming soon!  :)  And, tomorrow afternoon we are planning to announce it to our friends

Thanks again for your prayers, messages, and support!

Oh, boy what a day- or should I say {Oh, Girl}

I am so tired and I did nothing more than wait around all day!

The day started off the day with a text from A saying "today is the day :)"   She kept me updated all morning with info like: we are at the hospital, they just hooked up my IV, and called when they broke her water at 10 and contractions were starting. 

I told her I wouldn't call her or text ( I responded to hers, just didn't send her ones on my own) because I didn't want wake her if she was sleeping or if she was in the middle of something)  She had also told me she didn't get any sleep last night so I knew she would sleep if possible.

Matt wanted me to text her around 12 to let her know we were thinking of her.  I did but said she didn't need to respond if she didn't want to, we just wanted her to know we were thinking / praying for her.  I also told her earlier in the morning that she had lots of people praying for her around the US.  (Thanks if this is you!)  She seemed really excited about that. 

She didn't respond until about 3 and I was started to get worried.  I remembered that recently my cell phone doesn't get text sometimes randomly.  I was worried she might have text me and that I was the one not responding.  This is why our agency really advises not to use text because they don't want people getting upset if someone doesn't respond right away etc. 

When she did respond, she said she had been in terrible pain earlier but was now doing better.  She was dilated to a 10!  I told her it would be very soon and hang in there. 

Matt and I had taken naps in the morning, ran to Sub.way for lunch and tried to sleep a little more this afternoon.  We were so anxious we couldn't do anything else!  I text her and asked if the nurses and doctors have been nice to her.  As I went to pick up B from school at around 3:25 she text me back saying that they have been amazing and that they hung a mirror up for her and she could see baby's head! 

Some people text and drive but this girl texts and delivers!

B and I hurried home because I knew the baby would be here soon!  We arrived a few minutes before the call came in from A that she was here!  She has a whole head of hair, was 6 lbs, 6 ounces, 19 inches, and had dimples like her mom!

We told her to let us know if/ when she wanted us to come to the hospital.  She said okay and we continued to share a few more texts and she sent a few more pics.  A while later she said they were getting ready to move her to the other room and she was going to rest.  I had a feeling she was going to have us not come up tonight. 

A little later she did call and say she was really tired and if it would be okay if we come up tomorrow.  Of course I said that was fine :)  She said we can come anytime so I told her we would probably come in the morning.  Matt is having a harder time with it than I am. 

When she sent us some of the pics tonight, I told her " I can't WAIT to hold her"  She said, " I know, I can't put her down, she's such a sweet baby :) you guys are gonna love her!"

I said "I already do!" and she said, "I can tell :) you guys are gonna be wonderful parents" 

Aww, love.

No News

Sorry for the late post but today was crazy.  I was up until 2:30 this morning.  I was so emotional and excited and just couldn't sleep.  Matt called me about 1 AM and said that the guys on his team had just given him a bunch of diapers.  How sweet. And it makes me laugh that they did it at 1 AM, not 11 when he went into work.  

A called around 6:20.  She said that the hospital had called and they were filled and not going to have room or staff for her today.  So, we are back to 7 AM tomorrow. 

So, Monday, Tuesday, Monday, and back to Tuesday. 

Moving it one day really moves things more than that.  CW hasn't heard from edad since he canceled the meeting.  Hopefully he comes in to sign after baby is born but if he doesn't, we have to wait the 5 business days for termination.  That makes it Monday vs. Friday.  Emom can't sign until his rights have been terminated.  So we are looking at Mon- Wed. and even though I feel that if we leave the hospital with baby, we are good, I will still have a little bit of reserve in the back of my mind.

Thank you for all of your messages, prayers, and thoughts today.  Tomorrow I plan to get a little sleep, pack my clothes/ supplies and finish a few last minute things around here. 

My baby boy

Matt works nights and I usually let B sleep in our bed once a week.  The house is so empty, and all of the pets (okay, not the hermit crab or bearded dragon, just two dogs and a cat) climb in with B and I.  This feels the safest when we are all together.

He asked me tonight if he could sleep in our bed.  I told him that I had said earlier in the week he could on Sunday night because it would be our last night with just us.  (Matt is off starting tomorrow)  B gave me a big long hug and was getting a little teary.  I asked him what was the matter and he said he was just excited to be a brother.  Seeing him so emotional got me emotional.  I hugged him back so tight and a sadness covered my heart.  He has been my one and only love for so long and is everything I could want in my baby boy.   I have so much love for him, will I have enough to share?  Will he be able to share me? This will be such a big change and I just felt overcome with the emotion of it all that I couldn't hold back my own tears.

Changes

A called me today while we were at a family Christmas but I didn't make it over to my phone in time.  She had sent a text asking if it was okay if she sent some pics to my phone that she wanted us to have.  I text back and told her we would love to have any that she has to share with us. 

She sent the ones she showed us Friday night here that she has taken of her belly and also some we hadn't seen of her younger sister and her and her friend.  I know that baby will love to have these when she is older.

She told me she would call me later.  I called her when we left to tell her I was on the way home and left her a voice message.  As I walked in the door, she called back. 

She told us that the doctor had called and had an opening so it is now back to MONDAY- TOMORROW!

I was so excited.  Freaking out mode.  Goose bumps.  Tears.   We talked for about a half hour and it was good.  We went over a few things she should take to the hospital like we discussed on Friday  (robe, slippers, her make up, etc.)  We talked about her family and that everyone was ready and excited for all of this.  She said her mom is going to spend the night with her on Monday night.  She asked me if they let the baby stay in the room with her because her dad was thinking they make the baby go to the nursery for a while.  I told her how they really encourage moms to keep the babies in the room.

She goes in at ten and I mentioned how that might be good so she doesn't have to get up so early but that she will be hungrier.  She was worried about that because she loves to eat!

She plans to call us during the day and update us and will call after the baby arrives for us to come and visit. 

I can't express how good this feels to have this kind of relationship.  I started crying on the phone with her and told her how excited I was that tomorrow was the day.  She said we will have our baby very soon!

I already feel a love for her and a desire to protect her.  I will pray for her to get through this and have a peace and comfort in her decision.