Happy Birthday Baby Girl! June 4, 2012

I talked to J the night before our scheduled induction.  She had changed the plans of me picking her up to her meeting me there.  She said she would meet me at L & D at 6:15.  We were supposed to be there at 6:30.  She said her friend P would drop her off.

Sunday night Matt was going in to work and B and I got our showers done.  Matt and I both drove over to my grandparents to drop off B for the night.  We took a quick picture of the three of us, knowing this would be the last time we will be a family of three.  Matt headed up to work and I came home to get to bed due to a 4:15 wake up time.  I took a tylenol pm to help me sleep and luckily, I was able to fall asleep quickly.

I wanted to make sure I was at the hospital before her, I didn't want her to get off the elevator and not have me there.  I also wanted to stop in the town my husband works (on my way) and be able to give him a kiss before I went to the hospital.  He was working his usual shift of 11-7(Sunday) and then had training from 8-4 (Monday).  He did have the okay to leave training if needed early if we called to tell him to head to the hospital.  We originally would have had Matt at the hospital the day she went in, but since we have to use so many days before we get to bring the baby home, we decided to have him at least try to do most of his training day.

Luckily, Matt was not busy when I was coming through town where he works and we were able to meet for about 10 minutes before I headed to the hospital at a gas station.  I felt so much better that I was able to see him and give him a kiss.  I knew I would see him soon, I just wished he could be going with me.  I knew that it would be a long day of waiting though too, so I was okay.

I arrived at the hospital early and actually sat in the garage for several minutes and talked to my mom who was in Colorado on va-ca.  About 6, I headed in to the building and made it through the long hallways and two sets of elevators to reach labor and delivery.  It was about 6:10.  I sat in the chairs and began my wait.

At 6:30, still no J so I text the case worker that I hope she shows up.  Right after that, about 6:33 she came off the elevator.  I was excited to see her and gave her a hug.  I was happy and didn't have any feelings of hurt like I had previously worried about from our conversation Thursday.

We checked in at the desk and the nurse took us down to a room.  I couldn't believe we were walking down the hall to start this process.   They started with the basics and got her settled into the bed.  We waited around for a little while why they completed several forms, paperwork, computer data, etc.  Finally a nurse came in and got J ready for her IV.  J doesn't like needles so I held her hand as the nurse took two tries to get it in.  Once that was in, it was more waiting.  We were now waiting for the doctor to come in and give the okay to start the fluids.  Finally, around 8 that was done.  Around 9:30 they told J she could eat a light meal and she ordered a chicken salad.  She had not had anything to eat earlier in the day.

The first check they did showed that J was still at about a 2.  She had been at a two for weeks now!!  The doctor went ahead and ordered the pitocin to begin.  J dozed in and out a few times. I thought I might be able to sleep a little while we were waiting, but I was just too excited about what was going on.  I think I probably reached my month long text limit however that morning!  I had brought some books and magazines but I wasn't able to concentrate on those either.  I was actually impressed with how fast the day was moving.  Her contractions were starting to pickup and she was checked again and was at a 4.

She decided it was about time for her epidural.  The nurse told me to stand in front of J and help support her.  I had always heard that the epidural needles are not fun so I just tried to not look at it while they were doing it.  I don't mind needles but I just don't like to necessarily watch them.  I had ahold of J's hands and was holding so still, worrying about this hurting her.  I was holding my breath trying to hold as still as possible when I realized I wasn't breathing.  I started to get sweaty and light headed so I tried to tell myself to breath.  I wanted so bad to continue to hold her hands but was worried I was going to pass out!  It wasn't from seeing anything or getting sick with watching/ listening to them....it was just that I was trying to hold too still!  I made it through but don't think I could have made it more than a few minutes longer.

Matt arrived around 12:30 and was able to leave his training to come be with us.  When he arrived, J was very quiet and reserved.  I even noticed she would hardly look at him.  I thought that was weird since one of the things she had said to the case worker was that she thinks he is not very excited about the baby.

The case worker arrived around 1 and Matt and I were able to run down to get some lunch in the cafeteria. I had a deli sandwich, chips and cookies and he had a taco salad.  I know this is such a little detail, but I don't ever want to forget these things.  The case worker stayed until about 3 and then had to head out to another appointment.  She said she could come back if we needed her but we just said we would let her know if there was any news.  Matt tired to go sleep in a lounge down the hall but there were too many people blabbing, even with his head phones in.

J started to come around to Matt again and slowly started to warm up to him.  He tried to take a little snooze in the chair from not having any sleep from working but that wasn't really working.  Around 4:30 Matt was thinking of going to get a hotel room nearby.  They had recently checked her and she was at a 5.  They were planning to break her water but it broke on it's own as they checked her.  They said they would like to see her go 1 cm an hour and we figured if she wasn't going to have the baby for several hours he might be able to get some sleep in before it was go time.  I asked the nurse if she thought it was a good idea if he leave the hospital to go somewhere nearby and explained how he had worked and hadn't gotten any sleep.  I was hoping at this point they would mention about us having another room on the floor for us that I had heard about.  I had been told that lots of times hospitals will offer you a room if they have extras.  There were plenty of extra rooms.  They were definately not busy but no offer was ever made for us to actually get our own room.

The nurse did find a room that he could go take a nap in.  We were appreciate of this and it was going to be perfect for him to get some sleep.  She took him down the hall and I told him I would come and get him as we got closer.  The plan had always been that I would be in for delivery and he would be waiting outside.

About 15 minutes after he left, they checked her again.  She had now jumped from a 5 to a 9 1/2.  Holy smokes it was almost time!  She asked the nurse how many people could be in the room during delivery.   They said 3 or 4 depending on how many docotrs/ residents are there.

As they left the room, I asked her if she had someone else she wanted in the room.  She said that P had wanted to be in there so she started calling him right away.  She had talked to him earlier around lunch time and he said he was on his way up.  It was now about 5 and we still hadn't seen him.  She tried and tried to get ahold of him and was not able to.  I think she was a little upset that she couldn't get in touch with him.

I decided since she wanted someone else I was going to go for it.  I asked her if she wanted Matt to be in there with us.  I said I totally understand if she says no because that was not our original plan.  She said sure, that's okay.   I checked and rechecked to make sure she was comfortable with this.  I told her he was not planning to be in so he is okay if he just waits.  She sounded like she was okay with it however.

I asked the nurse to show me what room he was in and went down to wake him up.  Since he had only been asleep for about an hour, he was startled when I woke him up. I told him she jumped to a 9 1/2 after he left, she was ready to have the baby, and he was going to be in the room.  It took him a few minutes to blink a few times and gather his thoughts but shortly after we were headed down to the room.

As we arrived back in the room, things were getting set up and ready to go.  I asked her if she was ready and she said yes.  The nurses and doctors were filling the room and then a male doctor came in and introduced himself.  The two female doctors we had had all day were residents and he said he was just going to be supervising in the background and hopefully no help from him will be needed.  They asked who was going to cut the cord and J said the mom or the dad.  I spoke up and said I would "since Matt didn't cut the cord on B".  I knew he wouldn't have wanted to this time either because he would have had to get too close to a view he wasn't interested in seeing.  They asked her if they wanted them to clean the baby up first or put her right on J's chest.  She opted for right on her chest.

Matt got in to place up behind her shoulder and was ready with the camera and I was down by her knee.  I was rubbing her arm and the room was silent.  It was such a moment for me with all of the silence.  J had not made a peep with pain and the doctors and nurses were standing in wait.  It was such a surprise to me and seemed so calm.  This was not what I expected.  Everyone was just waiting....  They told her with the next contraction that she could push three times.  They were standing silently waiting for her to tell them when the next one came.  I had silent tears come lightly down my face because I was awe of the moment we were in.  My heart was filled with such joy.  Of all the adoption dreams, being involved with the delivery was at the top.  I am so thankful for the opportunity.

She told us "okay" when the next one came and they had her push.  The baby was right there as she pushed and J didn't make a sound the whole time.  I wasn't going to watch really....didn't think I really wanted to see that....but as I peeked down and could see her head starting to emerge, I was sucked in.  I couldn't believe this was happening and she was just moments away from something I have waited so long for.  She pushed again and her head was out.  As much as I wanted to not watch even still, I couldn't help but continue.  She had one more push and her shoulders were out.  They told her to slow down but it seemed that baby was on it's way out with or without her help.  I remember thinking how purple she looked and the cord was wrapped around her neck a little.  One of the doctors was trying to unwrap it over her neck but the male doctor said, "it's okay just push right through it".  She pushed once more and she was out! Her legs were so long and tried to sneak a peak to see if she was really a she! I had been so worried about this since I had so much pink!  They quickly said it was a girl and I just remember thinking how stinkin' cool that just was!  She started to cry and then I did too! It was absolutely beautiful.

They laid her on J and she didn't show very much emotion. She held her but didn't cry or seem to smile.  She just looked at her as she held her while the nurses were wiping her off, suctioning her, checking heartbeat, etc.  It was such a moment.  I was totally lost in it.  I don't remember looking at Matt, I just stared at J and the baby.  I was so happy for her that she did it and made it look easy.  I told her I was so impressed with how she did.

The nurse told me to get ready and that I was going to carry her over to the scale.  I crossed over through the "business" part and thought I was going to be in the way.  Everyone was fine with me crossing through and I didn't feel like I was in the way.  As I got to the other side and saw Matt staring at the baby in J's arms, I said I needed to get a picture of him.  He handed me the camera and I took a few.  I said I'm sorry to the nurse who was waiting for me to bring the baby over, but she said "you're fine, this is your moment, take as many as you want".   I took a few more and then brought her over to the scale.  She weighed in at 7.15.9  and they called it good at 8.  She was so much bigger than we thought! We were thinking only 6 or 7 something.  As they finished her checks, I checked in on J.  She appeared to be doing good.  I was so proud of her.

to be continued...