Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Adoption Group Dinner

I was really looking forward to our adoption group getting together for a reunion.  We had our agency training a year ago this month and this was the first time for any of us to meet again in person.  We have communicated over email through out the year but pretty simple stuff.

One of the couples in our group of 6 couples did not ever reply much to our group emails and was not able to join us.  We have recently found out that they were placed last month.  They have a daughter a year younger than B as well.

We were planning on it being the five couples.  We have B of course, one couple had a biological son through IVF about 6 months ago, one couple was placed with a boy two weeks after their profile was active last December (this little guy shares B's bday!) and the other three couples (us included) are still waiting families.

We had planned to meet in a central location for most of us that meant we drove about 50 minutes one way, 2 couples drove about 50 minutes the other, one couple lived about 20 minutes away and the final couple about two minutes away.  Didn't they luck out!!! :)  Our meeting spot was a bowling / entertainment place that was very nice.  They had a huge modern bowling area, laser tag, go garts, and arcade games.  There was also the restaurant section that was sort of like a sports bar.  It was really slow when we were there and so we had plenty of space.

Matt, B, and I arrived first (as usual) no one else was there.  B and Matt went to play laser tag and get that out of the way before everyone arrived.  We had planned that B could have an arcade card and play games and come back to check in with us every now and then type of thing.

The second couple came in and they were the ones who had adopted right away.  They have a beautiful boy with such dark handsome eyes.  At around 10 months of course they were busy the whole time chasing him!

As we were admiring the first little guy, we saw the third couple walking in.......carrying a baby seat!!    They were not one of the couples with a baby yet!!!   They had a tiny little guy who was around 30 days old.  He was such a cute little bug.  It was such a wonderful surprise!   When we had set the date for this meeting, they did not have him yet and decided to just surprise us instead of emailing again.  Of course we enjoyed passing him around.

The next two couples arrived and we moved to the table area.  We talked, passed babies, laughed, ordered food, more baby passing and story sharing on things like how are the relationships with the birthparents, how things went here and there with different situations, cases we were shown on, etc.  It was big time fun.

We took this picture before we left and I am so bummed we didn't take one a year ago.  But, we intend to do it again each year (at least) and will continue our picture tradition!  Next time we pray there will be at least two more babies in that photo!

I am only going to leave the photo up a few days since it has other families in it.

This picture makes me smile so big!  I just love it!  I love how we have grown!  Please say some extra prayers for the other waiting couple.  Our meeting was very difficult for her/ them.  They are such a great couple and we really enjoyed meeting them last year.  We can not wait for the day when they get their magical call!

I am totally smiling like a big ol' dork in the middle but I was just so happy!  

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Dr. Seuss on Waiting

The Waiting Place… for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
Or a plane to go or the mail to come
Or the rain to go or the phone to ring,
Or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a Yes or No
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite
Or waiting around for Friday night
Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake, or a pot to boil,or a Better Break or a string of pearls,
Or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
On and on you will hike, And I know you’ll hike farand face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s a great balancing act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
Will you succeed? Yes you will indeed!(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

More home study stuff etc.

My bloggy friend and #1 commenter Cat had another homestudy today.  I was happy to hear that it went well, which I was not worried about.  The one thing I always hear about home studies is how everyone gets all worked up about it and then it is easier than they thought.  Don't get me wrong, we cleaned liked mad to get things in perfect shape but for my second one....we really were not worried.  Cat said it best when she said that it is almost a disappointment when it is done because they go so smooth.

She also mentioned that they didn't ask any personal questions this time which I would agree with for us.  Our caseworker didn't ask us the things like the first time on how do you plan to discipline, what do you do when you have a disagreement, how were you raised, how did you meet blah blah blah.  This was just refresher stuff but nothing to deep.  One thing that I have read before from many people is how different the agencies are in regards to many different areas of details.  I plan to do a post on this soon and some of the things I've noticed.

BUT...here is the real reason for me getting on here to post tonight.  We got matched!  Ha ha! Just kidding.  Won't it be exciting when I can say that again.  That wasn't nice now was it???  I've had two glasses of wine so I'm still giggling about it.

Okay, seriously again.   Today we got a copy of our first home study in the mail (the one that is expiring)  We have never seen a copy of it and I have always wanted to ask everyone if it is something you usually get.  I actually just never remembered to ask.  I learned tonight from someone who is doing a private adoption that they have to send a copy of theirs to the attorney so I'm assuming that most of you do get it.  I had been curious as to what it said since I had never really read one before.

Ugh.  Didn't love ours.  I'm not worried about it or anything because I know we were approved and everything... it's nothing like that.  Honestly, I just expected it to be a little more about how great we are, what a fun and cool family we are etc.  I know it is our case workers job to interview and report back honest findings but some of the things in there I thought, "did we say that???" and some of the things are not accurate. 

For example- it says "Amber does not have a good relationship with her mom.  She calls her "needy" and reports that she calls several times a day".   Okay...I wouldn't exactly say that I don't have a good relationship with my mom...I mean, yes...she drives me nuts but I wouldn't use those words per se.  Maybe I did use the word needy but is that really what I wanted??

Or regarding discipline when I was raised... "Amber didn't break the rules often and therefore was not often disciplined.   When she was, her dad spanked her with an open hand on the buttocks"   Um....like one time that I can remember.   The question she had asked was how were you disciplined?  I told her about how I would be grounded (which was included) and she asked about spankings.... I KNOW if I was talking about it I would have said only one time because I don't think it ever happened to me other than that!!!!  

Matt has things where he talks about his parents divorce and his relationship with his parents growing up etc. that I wouldn't exactly say are his true feelings.

I know these things don't really matter on paper but they are bugging the heck out of me.  These are the biggest examples but there are a few more things that we read and said, "really???"  Some of it seems out of context and misrepresented.  There are also a few typos and that really drives me nuts too.

I just put it back in the envelope and put it away.  I don't want to look at it anymore. 

Monday, October 22, 2012

Checking In

Hi everyone!  And by everyone, I mean the 14 readers that I have ;)

Not much here to report.  Just waiting.  Passing time.  Getting older.  Matt and I have had our fingerprints, completed our financial summary and monthly budget, had our physicals, sent B's physical paperwork in (since he recently had a well child check the doctor is not requiring him to come in), signed several other random consent forms, updated our child preferences form and had our home study visit.

Our Home study visit:

Things went pretty well.  I of coursed had to stress about cleaning the house but was so very tired!  We planned it for a Wednesday when Matt was off from work and I only have one daycare little baby.  He is 6 months old and should be sleeping during our scheduled time.  (ha!)

We were really relaxed and not nervous about her coming.  We were done with picking up/ cleaning to where I felt comfortable and even had time for us to go out to lunch together.  We had about an hour before our caseworker was to arrive so just chilled out while we waited.

She asked us basic questions and nothing too intense like last time.  Questions like:  have we done anything new to the house, do we plan to still move closer to the bigger city, how do I like being home again doing daycare etc.  We showed her around the house and when we showed her the {super cute} nursery, she asked if it bothered us to have it still set up.  Both Matt and I feel fine with all of the baby things in there.  We walk by it multiple times a day and go in it several times as well.  I actually keep the extra daycare stuff in there (exersaucers, high chair booster seat, activity mat) so we don't have to have it out in the living room in the evenings / weekends.  It doesn't bother me to go in and out.  I absolutely love the room.  I don't want to do all the work to take it down just to turn it into a storage of junk room again. Actually, we still have two pictures of baby J in there in frames.  I still feel like it is a bit her room until we have a new baby to put in there.  I must admit if we get a boy, I will be disappointed to take all of the girly things down.  I think if we didn't already have B, I would have a harder time with the room being set up maybe.  I am not going to say that I haven't ever gone in there and felt a bit of sadness that baby J is not in there growing big.  I do have those days, but for the most part, it doesn't bother me one bit.  What does bother me....is that I feel like the way she said it that she thinks it should bother us.  Should it???

We also talked about how I have asked her about us possibly contacting J.  I have felt it on my heart for a very long time (like 3 weeks after the change of heart) wanting to know that they were doing good and doing okay.  I have held back because I do feel like in many ways we were taken advantage of during our time together.  I don't think she was doing it on purpose, but do feel uncomfortable with some of the things we bought/ paid for etc.  I in no way want to contact her to see if she wants to change her mind.  I just feel like after we spend 2 months together 1-2 times a week and agreed to an open relationship with her that it is difficult to just shut the door and end it that quickly.  We loved her and her son A just as much and do care about their well being.  I was/ am however worried that if I contact her, she might ask for more assistance.  Things like a ride to the store, diapers or formula, etc.   I know I can't do that for her and that would cost me emotionally to have to be in that position again.  I hate to say no but I have to let her do it on her own.    J and A both celebrated a birthday in September.  I wanted so badly to just send them a message and let her know I was thinking of them.

The caseworker did say that she believes that J has moved back to Texas with her family.  This made me feel really good.  She also said that she believes C (her husband) is going to be going back to Mexico.  I am happy for J and A because she didn't have anyone here.  I am happy she will be back with her family and have their support.  In all of the pictures she had showed me on her phone of her family, they looked happy.  She needs support, guidance, and love.   I hope they are able to find it there.   I feel more comfortable knowing they are there and contacting them.  I won't physically be able to pick her up when her car won't start again, buy her meals, diapers etc.   I am thinking that I might try to contact her when J is six months in Dec.   I don't even know if her number is the same though so I'm not sure if it will work or not. 

The caseworker talked to B after school about how he liked me being home again.  She talked to him about school and sports but nothing else really adoption related.  She asked again about Matt's guns and storage of the keys, ammo, etc.  She noticed we had a new car (that we bought for having the baby and daycare kiddos)  Her visit was a lot shorter than last time and just kind of like a check in. 

We are meeting with our adoption group that we went through training with on Sunday.  There were six of us couples together.  I'm not sure if I had posted about them before.  We met at our agency training a year ago.  One couple was newly pregnant at training and they allowed them to continue through the 2 months of training because she had always miscarried.  (Our agency does not allow you to be pregnant and be in the program)  The pregnancy went well and they now have a healthy baby boy.  Another couple was placed very quickly after our training in December.  The third couple was placed with one of the three recent babies we were shown to the birth mothers.  Two couples are still waiting with no children and then us, having gone through our change of heart situation.    5 of us couples are going to meet.  It is going to be very bittersweet.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

2012 Adoption Blogger Interview Project

I am so excited to participate in the 2012 Adoption Blogger Interview Project.  I participated last year, but feel like I have so much more "under my belt" this year.  I'm not a big blogger by any means, but I at least feel a little more comfortable talking about it since we have had quite a year. 

This project gives readers the opportunity to get to know several other adoption related bloggers and possibly find some new friends.  I know I was able to find a few new favorites from last year.  If you have a blog, I would like to encourage you to sign up to share your thoughts.  If you don't have a blog or feel comfortable pairing up with someone.... I hope you will at least take the time to read through some of the interviews when they are posted. 

Here is a link to mine from last year.   I haven't read my comments yet but it will be interesting to see what I said a year ago and how my thoughts might have changed!  (sad... it appears my partner from last year has made her blog private.  I will see if I can find my answers somewhere)