Thursday, April 5, 2012

Our first meeting

I am still so overwhelmed. I have never felt so loved by our God. Does He really love me this much? I have waited for so long for this. I get teary when I think too long about how much is happening.

Matt and I arrived in the office first. We were scheduled a half hour earlier so we could review a few things with our case worker. It was also the first time for us to meet this new case worker. She knew how nervous I was the day before but I think I had relaxed a little by the time we got there. I don't remember much of what we went over during that time. One thing I know I had asked was if she could give us a heads up on the names that bmom had in mind. We had agreed that we were open to bmom naming the baby. During our training however, they had told us some stories of a few "different" names that have come though the agency. I still feel like I was open to bmom naming, I just was worried about my reaction if they were really crazy names. I didn't want to be like , uh, yeah.....those are okay..... She shared her 3 girl names and 3 boy names (being careful not to tell us the gender). They were all fine- I didn't especially love them but they were completely fine.

Shortly after that the phone buzzed that Bmom had arrived. Bmom is parenting a 2 year old and would be bringing him along as well as a (male) support friend. Case worker walked out to get them and took them into a room across the hall first. Matt saw the little boy walking down the hall and was able to catch a glimpse of him as he passed the door. After just a few minutes we heard case worker open the door and say "are you going to come with me" and we could tell she was bringing the little boy with her to get us.

I took a deep breath and started across the hall...........

I was smiling and scared as heck, but hoping a didn't look like a grinning idiot or have a stressed out look on my face. I remember looking for bmom right away in the room- she looked unsure what to do as well but she started to stand. I took her starting to stand and greet us as a nice sign and gave her a little hug and said nice to meet you. Case worker introduced us to the friend and we shook his hand. Matt gave her a little hug as well.

Case worker got us started with Matt and I telling about ourselves..where we grew up, what we do, etc. Then bmom told us some about herself. We had been told she was very quiet and that it was hard to get her to answer more than just the questions but she told us more than I was expecting from what they had said about her being so quiet. She seemed to like telling us about herself and her family.

Case worker guided us on telling a few more things back and forth and then she asked bmom if she wanted to share the gender. She told us that the ultrasound last week showed that it was a girl. This was the only time I really cried. I could not believe it! Such a dream for me! (she did forget the ultrasound pics at home, I was bummed about that- oh well though...they all look alike anyways on ultrasounds!)

A few other things that we learned about her was:
She is anemic
They told her the baby is big.
She works 7 days a week
Her mom does not support the adoption but lives very far away and is not in good health

We talked about openness and what she was wanting. She told us that she would like pictures and letters and 1-2 visits a year. She said she wanted her little boy to know that he had a sister and why she made the choice that she did. She told us that she was struggling to take care of him and wanted this baby to go to a home where they were going to be loved. I think it was obvious how much she loves the little boy and realizes that she can't take care of two. I think we were hoping for a little more relationship but I know that can come down the road. I just want to make sure she feels welcome to be a part of our family as well.

She told us that she wants us to come to doctors appointments be at the hospital during delivery. She said not in the room at delivery because she is embarrassed but just outside. She talked about wanting us to get a band at the hospital so we can get the baby from the nursery. Case worker had told us that they not talked about delivery yet, so I am assuming she has talked to friends/ thought a lot about this to think of all those details.

When I felt like we were nearing the end, I asked her if she had anything else she wanted to ask us or know about us- she couldn't get it out fast enough....She said, "when do I get to meet your son?" She told us that his letter that he wrote in our profile touched her heart. She quoted one line from his letter that said, "I have been waiting to be a brother for YEARS!!!" This was really special to Matt and I because we know that it will mean a lot to B when he gets older to find out how much his letter had to do with her choosing us.

She told us that she has a doctors apt. on Thursday and we exchanged phone numbers. We decided that Matt and I would meet her at the doctors office and figure out the date Thursday that we can get together with B.

Bmom, her son and friend left first and we stayed to sign a few more things with case worker. I told her that she talked more than I had expected and she told us that she had never seen her talk so much.


  1. Oh!! When I saw you had posted I got up and made myself a fresh cup of coffee before reading just so I could enjoy this post even more. :) I cried about the part about B. I am so, so happy for your family!!

  2. Have you started setting up the nursery now?!! :) You will have to post pictures of the nursery! I'm so excited for you! Thats really special that B's letter helped so much! Nothing like a big brother for little sister :)

  3. Amber, this post brought tears to my eyes. I am SO happy for you, Matt and B. SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!

  4. How wonderful!!! Sounds like it will all be an amazing experience for everyone. I highly recommend the book "The Best For You" by Kelsey Stewart... she's AMAZING. She's a birth mother and wrote the book for adopted children. It's a GREAT way to start the discussion about why birth mom chose to place them for adoption.

    Anyway-- so glad to hear it went well and can't wait to see how the journey progresses!!

    BTW-- what agency are you using??