This past Thursday, Matt and I both went to J's doctor's appointment. We arrived first as usual and she came in with her son A. I had called her the day before to double check the appointment since it had been two weeks since the last appointment. When we spoke on the phone she told me that her friend and support P was in the hospital. As we waited a few minutes for our turn, I asked her how she was feeling. She said she was not feeling good and was going to ask if she could be induced and see if the doctor could check her each week to see if she was ready. She said she was not taking the prenatal vitamins and the iron meds because they were making her sick and vomit. J appeared very nervous and ready to be done with this. She told us that she was very worried about P being in the hospital, her husband working again now, her water breaking and being home alone with her son A. I told her that she could call us and we could come and pick her up and that A could hang out with Matt and B. She said that by the time we get there she will have probably had the baby at home. ( We live about 25 minutes away) Once we got back in the room, we kept A company out in the hall while they did the strep test. She didn't really bring these concerns up with the doctor so I started it a little so the doctor could maybe try to settle her worries a bit. She basically told her that she was not going to check her that week because it was still too early and that sometimes that can stimulate her to begin labor when they mess around too much. The doctor tried to assure her that she has plenty of people who don't deliver for hours after their water breaks. The doctor also suggested she change to a children's vitamin with iron vs. not taking anything since she was getting so sick. We stopped at the pharmacy to grab these for her before we left the building. We also set up plans for her, her husband, and son to come to our house on Sunday. (She had mentioned at the last appointment about them wanting to come down)
I talked with the case worker the next day and she had just seen J the day prior to the dr. appointment. She agreed with Matt and I that J was very nervous this week. P is her biggest supporter and we all think that this was the biggest factor in her nerves. She was obviously very scared about alone when it is "go" time. Another thing the case worker told us that J's sister told all of their family about her plan. So far, J had only told her mom and sister ( her family all lives several states away). She told us that J is getting a lot of pressure from her family and that she has received several calls from family she doesn't even know offering to take the baby. I asked our case worker if she thinks that J is considering a change of heart. They have told us from the beginning that if they ever feel like they are picking up signs that the expecting mom might be having any second thoughts, they will let us know. The case worker said no. She thinks she is still confident in her decision. I asked her again to please let us know if she thinks that J might be wavering. We all have agreed that this might be why she was so agitated and wants it to be done. Maybe she just wants to get it over with and be able to move forward and have her family stop calling her. I really have no idea however. I can't begin to imagine what she is feeling or thinking during this time.
The case worker also mentioned that they had discussed the names again- she said that J is also planning on the name being the one that we suggested at the top of our list. We had said in our profile that we were okay with her naming the baby. When we first met she shared 3 names with us but said she was not stuck on any of them. That is when we shared a few of our favorites with her. Over the past few weeks, I wanted less and less of our name and didn't care what she picked. I know that a name does not matter in how much we will love the baby. It was very touching to hear that she was wanting to go with one of our names. She had told us at one of the dr. visits that she didn't like her name so we are planning to use her middle name for the baby's middle name.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Thoughts and Stress
I have so much that I have been wanting to write about but just not enough time. I am overloaded with work, stressed beyond belief trying to gather up as much used baby stuff from friends rather than buying it all new, working on throwing a baby room together, and trying to get organized in general before our life becomes a family of 4. I am feeling super unorganized --more than usual unorganized. I don't have B's pictures printed off the computer from something like the last 3 years- I always had told myself I will sit down and do it "one of these days". How am I going to get caught up when I am quickly going to be behind on two kids, not one?? I have so much crap in this house!! I need to get rid of all of this stuff I don't use that is taking up space I need in our little house. I thought I wanted to look into buying breast milk and using cloth diapers but I haven't done the research I should have done and don't feel prepared! I have only briefly looked at information on them and it bothers me to not be a "know it all" on things like this. I thought we would have paid off a few more bills before we go the call and I am stressing about how we are going to afford all of this. My 50 million blogs I feel like I have are all behind, including this one. The truth of it all is, I thought we would have more time. Things went so fast and I know people who have been waiting for ever and ever will hate that I sound like I am complaining. I am not trying to complain I just don't feel like I am as ready as I imagined myself to be when the time comes.
Speaking of getting ready, this week I have been really bothered by the fact that I still feel paralyzed. I feel so overwhelmed with what needs to get done, it is as if I am stuck in the mud and can't move. I haven't had a baby in so long I can't remember what all I need to be buying. Random things will hit me and I think- oh, yeah... I need to get one of those. When I was pregnant, I read all the magazines, checked over all of the lists, and had plenty of time to prepare for the big day. The main things I think I need are some bottles, blankets, diapers, wipes, bathtub, and clothes. I can get any of the rest of it as we come across it. My sister, my mom and I had a major shopping spree this weekend. We bought several of those things mentioned above and worked on putting the room together. I mentioned earlier that is was thrown together, but really it is absolutely darling. I will eventually post some pictures of it.
When J delivered her first son, she went a month early. Her due date is the end of May and I have already said that she works a very hard job 6 days a week. What this means to me, is that I should be ready for our "go" call anytime. I found out for sure that she does want me in the room with her during delivery. This is so very exciting to me because when B was born, I was out under general anesthesia. I have no idea what a birth experience is like and this was something I had really prayed for would work out this way for us. I am so honored that she is allowing me to be in the room.
So, as I said about how I am preparing for the call anyday...I feel stuck here too. I don't know what to do- what do get ready etc. As I went to be last night I thought to myself I have no idea where the camera is laying and I should make sure it is always out and charged in case I get called in the night. My mom says I should have a bag packed and I guess that is true. What the heck do I need to pack???? I asked Matt the other day about what our plan was. He works nights and I wanted to know what we are planning to do if we get called in the night and I am here alone with B. I made sure J had all of our numbers and also checked with the case worker that she had ways to get ahold of us. I am so scared I am going to miss it. If you can't tell, I am in freak out mode. What if I get the call but don't make it to the hospital in time??? Occasionally, I do take a step back however, and think to myself so what if I miss it. I will still love that baby just the same when I get there.
I am stressed about ICPC deal and us having to stay for up to two weeks in a hotel. We live right on a border and it is going to drive us nuts that we can't drive 10 more minutes and go home! The cost of the hotel stresses me, but also the fact that Matt works nights, sleeps days, entertaining a 7 year old, and I will feel stuck in the hotel. I want to just snuggle up on our little girl during this time but sitting in a room for 2 weeks isn't going to feel to good either. We are looking at some extended stay suites that offer a kitchenette which could save us money on eating out, but don't have much to offer with walking distance to just get out of the room for a while. Some of the pricier hotels have things like a pool which could keep B entertained as well as tons of things in walking distance to enjoy. May will probably be beautiful weather so I would love to throw on my Moby and stroll around and people watch.
Matt and I really want to keep the baby to ourselves during that two weeks and limit our visitors to a very minimum (as the agency suggests). I am so crazy about the bonding time that I'm sorry, but I really don't want anyone else holding her but us 3. This is one good thing about us staying at the hotel vs. home.
I am stressed that I still haven't emailed the couple we made friends with during our training. They were so sweet and loveable. They have been through quite a journey as well as had bad luck with an agency in town so finally decided to start all over with our current agency. We all said when we left our training days that we should get together and form a group for us to support each other as we received our placements and for those of us who continued to wait. I just still feel so much guilt that we were selected first and that we already have our son. This couple does not have any children yet and wants so badly to be parents. I understand that they might not have been open to the same things we were open to on our preferences sheet. I also know that J specifically wanted a family with children. Those things are out of my control and the agency has told us over and over that the matches almost always end up where they couldn't have picked them better themselves. My heart just hurts for those who haven't had the opportunity to parent.
Lastly, I want to truly thank all 5 of my readers. You have offered me some of the most touching and special advice. I have truly loved every comment and feel so blessed to have support from those of you reading. I tear up almost every time when I read a comment and think of this journey I am on. When will it feel real?? I had a comment a few posts back from Cathy @ Cat's Litterbox blog. It reminded me that J is still an expectant mother, not a birthmom. She is exactly right. I have corrected so many people (my mother probably the most) on the adoption lingo. I know that she is an expectant mom and I felt shocked when Cat called me out on this. I wasn't offended that she posted that (please don't take it that way Cathy!) but felt bad that I had been doing that. So from then on, I haveI tried to just call her J in my posts vs birth mom. I respect this completely and like I have mentioned, we support her if she has a change of heart and decides to parent. I think I was just doing it out of ease when writing but I know I do it when speaking to people as well because that understand that better. I am trying to be more conscious of this now.
Speaking of getting ready, this week I have been really bothered by the fact that I still feel paralyzed. I feel so overwhelmed with what needs to get done, it is as if I am stuck in the mud and can't move. I haven't had a baby in so long I can't remember what all I need to be buying. Random things will hit me and I think- oh, yeah... I need to get one of those. When I was pregnant, I read all the magazines, checked over all of the lists, and had plenty of time to prepare for the big day. The main things I think I need are some bottles, blankets, diapers, wipes, bathtub, and clothes. I can get any of the rest of it as we come across it. My sister, my mom and I had a major shopping spree this weekend. We bought several of those things mentioned above and worked on putting the room together. I mentioned earlier that is was thrown together, but really it is absolutely darling. I will eventually post some pictures of it.
When J delivered her first son, she went a month early. Her due date is the end of May and I have already said that she works a very hard job 6 days a week. What this means to me, is that I should be ready for our "go" call anytime. I found out for sure that she does want me in the room with her during delivery. This is so very exciting to me because when B was born, I was out under general anesthesia. I have no idea what a birth experience is like and this was something I had really prayed for would work out this way for us. I am so honored that she is allowing me to be in the room.
So, as I said about how I am preparing for the call anyday...I feel stuck here too. I don't know what to do- what do get ready etc. As I went to be last night I thought to myself I have no idea where the camera is laying and I should make sure it is always out and charged in case I get called in the night. My mom says I should have a bag packed and I guess that is true. What the heck do I need to pack???? I asked Matt the other day about what our plan was. He works nights and I wanted to know what we are planning to do if we get called in the night and I am here alone with B. I made sure J had all of our numbers and also checked with the case worker that she had ways to get ahold of us. I am so scared I am going to miss it. If you can't tell, I am in freak out mode. What if I get the call but don't make it to the hospital in time??? Occasionally, I do take a step back however, and think to myself so what if I miss it. I will still love that baby just the same when I get there.
I am stressed about ICPC deal and us having to stay for up to two weeks in a hotel. We live right on a border and it is going to drive us nuts that we can't drive 10 more minutes and go home! The cost of the hotel stresses me, but also the fact that Matt works nights, sleeps days, entertaining a 7 year old, and I will feel stuck in the hotel. I want to just snuggle up on our little girl during this time but sitting in a room for 2 weeks isn't going to feel to good either. We are looking at some extended stay suites that offer a kitchenette which could save us money on eating out, but don't have much to offer with walking distance to just get out of the room for a while. Some of the pricier hotels have things like a pool which could keep B entertained as well as tons of things in walking distance to enjoy. May will probably be beautiful weather so I would love to throw on my Moby and stroll around and people watch.
Matt and I really want to keep the baby to ourselves during that two weeks and limit our visitors to a very minimum (as the agency suggests). I am so crazy about the bonding time that I'm sorry, but I really don't want anyone else holding her but us 3. This is one good thing about us staying at the hotel vs. home.
I am stressed that I still haven't emailed the couple we made friends with during our training. They were so sweet and loveable. They have been through quite a journey as well as had bad luck with an agency in town so finally decided to start all over with our current agency. We all said when we left our training days that we should get together and form a group for us to support each other as we received our placements and for those of us who continued to wait. I just still feel so much guilt that we were selected first and that we already have our son. This couple does not have any children yet and wants so badly to be parents. I understand that they might not have been open to the same things we were open to on our preferences sheet. I also know that J specifically wanted a family with children. Those things are out of my control and the agency has told us over and over that the matches almost always end up where they couldn't have picked them better themselves. My heart just hurts for those who haven't had the opportunity to parent.
Lastly, I want to truly thank all 5 of my readers. You have offered me some of the most touching and special advice. I have truly loved every comment and feel so blessed to have support from those of you reading. I tear up almost every time when I read a comment and think of this journey I am on. When will it feel real?? I had a comment a few posts back from Cathy @ Cat's Litterbox blog. It reminded me that J is still an expectant mother, not a birthmom. She is exactly right. I have corrected so many people (my mother probably the most) on the adoption lingo. I know that she is an expectant mom and I felt shocked when Cat called me out on this. I wasn't offended that she posted that (please don't take it that way Cathy!) but felt bad that I had been doing that. So from then on, I haveI tried to just call her J in my posts vs birth mom. I respect this completely and like I have mentioned, we support her if she has a change of heart and decides to parent. I think I was just doing it out of ease when writing but I know I do it when speaking to people as well because that understand that better. I am trying to be more conscious of this now.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Dr. visit
We decided that Matt would stay home and sleep since he works nights and this was going to be such a long appointment filled with waiting. We also hoped that since it would take such a long time that she would be alone as well. She has previously been bringing A and her friend with her. This would be a good opportunity for us to bond / get to know each other.
As I had hoped, she was alone. I had been so nervous about this meeting because I didn't know what I would do/ say to fill the time for so long. The dr. had mentioned that she could bring snacks since she won't be able to eat for a while before the glucose screen. I didn't know what she liked so I grabbed a whole bag full of stuff for her! I know it was too much stuff, but I wanted to be sure there was stuff for her to choose from!
We went straight to the lab and she started her blood draw after just a few minutes. They gave her the two times she needed to report back to the lab for the next draws. We sat in the waiting area by the lab and did basic chatting. I felt more comfortable with her. She was pretty talkative and I learned a bit about her. We both went through our cell phone pictures and talked about those and she showed me several members of her family and pictures from her recent wedding to C. I was really happy she shared pictures from her life with me.
Between the blood draws she had her regular doctors appointment. The doctor said things still appeared to be good. She reminded her to be doing her kick counts each day and drink plenty of water. J had told me while we were waiting that she had been having some contractions. She didn't mention that to the dr. so I was sure to bring that up. The dr. asked her where and when she was having them. She said under her belly down low and mainly when she is standing. (she stands all day for work) You could tell the dr. was not thinking they were contractions and said they were just her muscles stretching. She gave her a prescription for a pregnancy belt. After a few other reminders, she asked J about if she is talking with a counselor at our agency. She asked her if she is talking to someone each week. The doctor said that they have counselors available there as well if she ever wanted to talk to someone else as well. She reminded her that this is a big decision and she wants to be sure that she is doing what she feels is best. I think this made J uncomfortable (it made me uncomfortable just because I was there...again, feeling like a baby thief) since it was in front of me. As the doctor was finishing, I asked if she had the ultra sound report that she said she would have in the file for this visit. About this time, J had to go get her blood drawn again. The doctor said that the the report really just said unable to view the spine or lower extremities due to position of the baby. I also brought up to the dr. about her saying that to J. I wanted the to dr. to know that Matt and I fully support J if she has a change of heart with her adoption plan. I told her I was okay that she said that to her and if she continues to say it to her. I know we will have another chance if this is the not the baby in God's plan for us. I told the dr. how I had wanted to say this to J directly but haven't had the opportunity since we had only met a few times.
Back in the waiting room for the final blood draw J started to feel light headed. She said she had passed out when she did this with son A. I hated that she couldn't eat anything yet! J started to look so tired, I told her she could sleep if she wanted to and I wouldn't feel bad. I told her I could wake her up in time for the final draw. She said she was okay and we continued to learn more and more about each other.
After her final draw, she was finally able to have something to eat. She chose and apple and a water (I was so proud of her!) and we headed to the pharmacy to pick up the pregnancy belt and prenatal vitamins. I am really hoping that the belt will make her feel better, especially since she works standing up all day.
Her next appointment is not for two weeks. I told her I will be there and for her to call if she wants to get together before that. I checked with her and made sure she had our numbers and that she knew she could call us anytime.
As I had hoped, she was alone. I had been so nervous about this meeting because I didn't know what I would do/ say to fill the time for so long. The dr. had mentioned that she could bring snacks since she won't be able to eat for a while before the glucose screen. I didn't know what she liked so I grabbed a whole bag full of stuff for her! I know it was too much stuff, but I wanted to be sure there was stuff for her to choose from!
We went straight to the lab and she started her blood draw after just a few minutes. They gave her the two times she needed to report back to the lab for the next draws. We sat in the waiting area by the lab and did basic chatting. I felt more comfortable with her. She was pretty talkative and I learned a bit about her. We both went through our cell phone pictures and talked about those and she showed me several members of her family and pictures from her recent wedding to C. I was really happy she shared pictures from her life with me.
Between the blood draws she had her regular doctors appointment. The doctor said things still appeared to be good. She reminded her to be doing her kick counts each day and drink plenty of water. J had told me while we were waiting that she had been having some contractions. She didn't mention that to the dr. so I was sure to bring that up. The dr. asked her where and when she was having them. She said under her belly down low and mainly when she is standing. (she stands all day for work) You could tell the dr. was not thinking they were contractions and said they were just her muscles stretching. She gave her a prescription for a pregnancy belt. After a few other reminders, she asked J about if she is talking with a counselor at our agency. She asked her if she is talking to someone each week. The doctor said that they have counselors available there as well if she ever wanted to talk to someone else as well. She reminded her that this is a big decision and she wants to be sure that she is doing what she feels is best. I think this made J uncomfortable (it made me uncomfortable just because I was there...again, feeling like a baby thief) since it was in front of me. As the doctor was finishing, I asked if she had the ultra sound report that she said she would have in the file for this visit. About this time, J had to go get her blood drawn again. The doctor said that the the report really just said unable to view the spine or lower extremities due to position of the baby. I also brought up to the dr. about her saying that to J. I wanted the to dr. to know that Matt and I fully support J if she has a change of heart with her adoption plan. I told her I was okay that she said that to her and if she continues to say it to her. I know we will have another chance if this is the not the baby in God's plan for us. I told the dr. how I had wanted to say this to J directly but haven't had the opportunity since we had only met a few times.
Back in the waiting room for the final blood draw J started to feel light headed. She said she had passed out when she did this with son A. I hated that she couldn't eat anything yet! J started to look so tired, I told her she could sleep if she wanted to and I wouldn't feel bad. I told her I could wake her up in time for the final draw. She said she was okay and we continued to learn more and more about each other.
After her final draw, she was finally able to have something to eat. She chose and apple and a water (I was so proud of her!) and we headed to the pharmacy to pick up the pregnancy belt and prenatal vitamins. I am really hoping that the belt will make her feel better, especially since she works standing up all day.
Her next appointment is not for two weeks. I told her I will be there and for her to call if she wants to get together before that. I checked with her and made sure she had our numbers and that she knew she could call us anytime.
J meets B
We agreed to meet on Easter at a McD playland in the afternoon. This would give J a chance to meet our son B and for B to meet her son A. A is two years old and we knew that they two boys could play while we visit.
We knew this was J's first Sunday off in a long time and were happy she wanted to meet with us. We knew how much it meant to her to be able to meet B however.
We arrived early and the play land was packed ( and noisy). We waited at a table outside the play area and after just a few minutes we saw J walking in. I focused right on greeting her son A again and you he recogonized us right away from the previous two meetings. I introduced B to her and A and then she introduced her husband to us. I had not even looked who she brought with her!!! I just assumed it was her friend she had been bringing to the meetings. I was glad we had the opportunity to meet him as well. J handed B a bag that had a card and little car in it. I thought that was so thoughtful of her. Then she handed us a box of chocolates and two cards. I looked at the envelope and one of them said "To the Perfect Family" from J, A, and baby. I asked her if I could open it later or if she wanted me to open it then. She said I could do it later. I knew I would cry so I was glad to wait. I was just so touched that she would bring us anything. We had brought a little bag of sports Easter eggs with candy for A this time. After finishing the introductions, the boys were ready to play and J and I went to grab some drinks and ice cream for the boys.
It took absolutely forever to get the small order so I slipped back to check on how the boys were doing. Matt and C appeared to be chatting, B was playing, and A was watching the kids play. You could tell he was taking it all in being the little guy he is!
I made some chit chat with J as we waited. She looked rested and more "done up" than the other meetings. I don't know if it was because she had the day off or what. She wasn't dressed up by any means, but looked happy. I asked some simple questions about what they like to do when she has a day off etc.
Once we entered the play area, A was already off and playing and our B was doing such a good job with him. We watched the kids play a few minutes and B came over to eat his ice cream. By this time, A was in full play mode and wanted nothing to do with stopping, even for ice cream.
After a while, I brought out some pictures I had brought. I know she had seen several of them from our profile but I went through several of them showing her more of what we do, extended family, etc. Her and C both seemed to like looking at them and they asked a few questions as we went through them. I was really glad we had these to "break the ice" and give us something to talk about.
After looking at the pictures I brought, C got some out of his wallet and showed them to us. There were ones of A when he was young and J when she was 17 in a senior photo type picture. Then they gave us one of the wallets of J and A as a baby. I told them I didn't want to take a pic from his wallet, but they assured us that they had more of them. Once again, I was really touched.
After about an hour, we started to try to round up the kids. We made a plan that we would meet her on Thursday at her dr. apt. She was going to have her 3 hour glucose screen this time so we knew to plan for a long time.
I had Matt take a pic of us two girls before we left.
As we headed towards home, I remembered the cards she had give us. I grabbed them out and first read B's card. It was a happy Easter card and she wrote a nice message to him about hoping he got lots of eggs and candy. On the first of the two cards for Matt and I , it was an Easter card as well. She thanked us for taking time from our special day so she could meet our son.
The next card was the one marked "To the Perfect Family". As I opened it, I shut it very quickly. Matt had looked over and saw what I saw. The card had a whole strip of ultrasound pics. I couldn't believe it. Matt and I were both in tears as I read her sweet, sweet words to us. She told us that we were just what she was looking for, she knows she is making the right decision for the baby that is going to be ours, and to "look at the pictures, this is your baby". Totally cried. She is so sweet. The cards and pictures were such a beautiful, thoughtful surprise.
We knew this was J's first Sunday off in a long time and were happy she wanted to meet with us. We knew how much it meant to her to be able to meet B however.
We arrived early and the play land was packed ( and noisy). We waited at a table outside the play area and after just a few minutes we saw J walking in. I focused right on greeting her son A again and you he recogonized us right away from the previous two meetings. I introduced B to her and A and then she introduced her husband to us. I had not even looked who she brought with her!!! I just assumed it was her friend she had been bringing to the meetings. I was glad we had the opportunity to meet him as well. J handed B a bag that had a card and little car in it. I thought that was so thoughtful of her. Then she handed us a box of chocolates and two cards. I looked at the envelope and one of them said "To the Perfect Family" from J, A, and baby. I asked her if I could open it later or if she wanted me to open it then. She said I could do it later. I knew I would cry so I was glad to wait. I was just so touched that she would bring us anything. We had brought a little bag of sports Easter eggs with candy for A this time. After finishing the introductions, the boys were ready to play and J and I went to grab some drinks and ice cream for the boys.
It took absolutely forever to get the small order so I slipped back to check on how the boys were doing. Matt and C appeared to be chatting, B was playing, and A was watching the kids play. You could tell he was taking it all in being the little guy he is!
I made some chit chat with J as we waited. She looked rested and more "done up" than the other meetings. I don't know if it was because she had the day off or what. She wasn't dressed up by any means, but looked happy. I asked some simple questions about what they like to do when she has a day off etc.
Once we entered the play area, A was already off and playing and our B was doing such a good job with him. We watched the kids play a few minutes and B came over to eat his ice cream. By this time, A was in full play mode and wanted nothing to do with stopping, even for ice cream.
After a while, I brought out some pictures I had brought. I know she had seen several of them from our profile but I went through several of them showing her more of what we do, extended family, etc. Her and C both seemed to like looking at them and they asked a few questions as we went through them. I was really glad we had these to "break the ice" and give us something to talk about.
After looking at the pictures I brought, C got some out of his wallet and showed them to us. There were ones of A when he was young and J when she was 17 in a senior photo type picture. Then they gave us one of the wallets of J and A as a baby. I told them I didn't want to take a pic from his wallet, but they assured us that they had more of them. Once again, I was really touched.
After about an hour, we started to try to round up the kids. We made a plan that we would meet her on Thursday at her dr. apt. She was going to have her 3 hour glucose screen this time so we knew to plan for a long time.
I had Matt take a pic of us two girls before we left.
As we headed towards home, I remembered the cards she had give us. I grabbed them out and first read B's card. It was a happy Easter card and she wrote a nice message to him about hoping he got lots of eggs and candy. On the first of the two cards for Matt and I , it was an Easter card as well. She thanked us for taking time from our special day so she could meet our son.
The next card was the one marked "To the Perfect Family". As I opened it, I shut it very quickly. Matt had looked over and saw what I saw. The card had a whole strip of ultrasound pics. I couldn't believe it. Matt and I were both in tears as I read her sweet, sweet words to us. She told us that we were just what she was looking for, she knows she is making the right decision for the baby that is going to be ours, and to "look at the pictures, this is your baby". Totally cried. She is so sweet. The cards and pictures were such a beautiful, thoughtful surprise.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
First Doctor Visit
We planned to meet up with Bmom at her doctors appointment on Thursday. We were not sure where the office was so we left early and arrived in plenty of time. I was not as nervous to see her like I was on Tuesday but was more worried about what we would talk about while waiting without the case worker helping to lead the conversation.
Matt and I walked into the building and asked at the desk where we should go. We were directed up to the second floor and down the hall. We were pretty much the only caucasian people in the building so I felt a little out of place. We got several looks and second glances from people in the waiting area.
The place was super busy and we found a couple of free chairs open in front of the elevator. This was good because then we would be able to see her as she arrives. After only a few minutes of waiting, we heard familiar voices over the balcony above us from 3 floor. Bmom had brought her friend along again as well as her son. We think she told us it would just be her so we were surprised to see these two again.
We waived to them as they glanced over and smiled at us. As they stepped off the elevator, her son recognized us right away and came right over. She told us she was just going to go check in and I asked her if she wanted us to wait here or go. She said I could come with her. Matt stayed back with the two others and I waited in line with her. I felt very awkward while standing there. I was assuming that everyone was watching us and thinking of me as a bad person who wanted to take her baby.
Once checked in, we waited with boys and she got a bag of hot wheels cars out for her son to play. Matt and him pushed the cars back and forth. I tried to make some small talk and keep things light. I asked if they had any dogs or pets...she said her son likes them but they don't have any. I asked her how long it took her to get there and told her how long it took us to get there. She answered all the questions pleasantly but did not ever ask or tell us anything on her own.
They called us back after just a few minutes of waiting and as we stood to go in Matt wasn't sure if she wanted him to go with or not. She said she did away the three of us went to the back. Once again, very awkward for me as we followed her in. I feel like it was obvious that the white couple following her were adoptive parents. She never gave me any signs that she was uncomfortable or feeling awkward however.
The nurse took her vitals and told us that they would be doing a breast exam etc. We stepped out of the room and told her to let us know when to come back in. As we waited, the dr. came and went into the room. We waited patiently to be called back in.
As the doctor opened the door, she said she could recognize us by our big smiles. She told us that bmom was measuring exactly where she should be and that we were going to listen to the heartbeat. She asked if we were there for ultrasound last week and when we told her no, doctor seemed excited that this would be our first time to hear the heart beat.
From what I remember from B, the heartbeat sounded fast, strong, and normal. It was such a sweet sound to hear. The room was so crowded- there was not room for me to stand on the side of the table by bmom so I was standing at her feet and Matt was behind me. Matt and I held hands behind my back and I but my other hand on bmom's shoes as we listened.
I asked the doctor (actually a nurse practitioner) about a more precise due date, and she said that she didn't have the ultrasound report in the file (but would for next week) so she is still estimating around 31 weeks and looking at end of May / early June.
As we left the visit, we walked down to the first floor together. One of my favorite parts was when bmom told her son that it was time to go, he was having fun and didn't want to leave. I called him by name and put my hand out and said "let's go" and he smiled and came right over and grabbed my hand. This made bmom smile that he came to me and I thought I was pretty special to have him do that. It made my day when he did that.
As we prepared to leave, I asked her about meeting on Sunday which we had briefly discussed Tuesday at the agency. She told us that she now has Sundays off- this made me so happy because she has been working 7 days a week 4- midnight. We arranged to meet Sunday at 3 at a local McD play land. This way our 2 boys can play and she gets to meet B as well.
* She did not get her glucose screen done on Wednesday like we had thought she was getting. She will get this done next Thursday at her next appointment. We are looking forward to going again as well. This will take a few hours for the test, so I am a bit nervous about filing the time with topics to discuss for that length of time. I am wondering how everyone else has gotten to know their bmom's. I know it will just take time, but I would welcome any tips.
Matt and I walked into the building and asked at the desk where we should go. We were directed up to the second floor and down the hall. We were pretty much the only caucasian people in the building so I felt a little out of place. We got several looks and second glances from people in the waiting area.
The place was super busy and we found a couple of free chairs open in front of the elevator. This was good because then we would be able to see her as she arrives. After only a few minutes of waiting, we heard familiar voices over the balcony above us from 3 floor. Bmom had brought her friend along again as well as her son. We think she told us it would just be her so we were surprised to see these two again.
We waived to them as they glanced over and smiled at us. As they stepped off the elevator, her son recognized us right away and came right over. She told us she was just going to go check in and I asked her if she wanted us to wait here or go. She said I could come with her. Matt stayed back with the two others and I waited in line with her. I felt very awkward while standing there. I was assuming that everyone was watching us and thinking of me as a bad person who wanted to take her baby.
Once checked in, we waited with boys and she got a bag of hot wheels cars out for her son to play. Matt and him pushed the cars back and forth. I tried to make some small talk and keep things light. I asked if they had any dogs or pets...she said her son likes them but they don't have any. I asked her how long it took her to get there and told her how long it took us to get there. She answered all the questions pleasantly but did not ever ask or tell us anything on her own.
They called us back after just a few minutes of waiting and as we stood to go in Matt wasn't sure if she wanted him to go with or not. She said she did away the three of us went to the back. Once again, very awkward for me as we followed her in. I feel like it was obvious that the white couple following her were adoptive parents. She never gave me any signs that she was uncomfortable or feeling awkward however.
The nurse took her vitals and told us that they would be doing a breast exam etc. We stepped out of the room and told her to let us know when to come back in. As we waited, the dr. came and went into the room. We waited patiently to be called back in.
As the doctor opened the door, she said she could recognize us by our big smiles. She told us that bmom was measuring exactly where she should be and that we were going to listen to the heartbeat. She asked if we were there for ultrasound last week and when we told her no, doctor seemed excited that this would be our first time to hear the heart beat.
From what I remember from B, the heartbeat sounded fast, strong, and normal. It was such a sweet sound to hear. The room was so crowded- there was not room for me to stand on the side of the table by bmom so I was standing at her feet and Matt was behind me. Matt and I held hands behind my back and I but my other hand on bmom's shoes as we listened.
I asked the doctor (actually a nurse practitioner) about a more precise due date, and she said that she didn't have the ultrasound report in the file (but would for next week) so she is still estimating around 31 weeks and looking at end of May / early June.
As we left the visit, we walked down to the first floor together. One of my favorite parts was when bmom told her son that it was time to go, he was having fun and didn't want to leave. I called him by name and put my hand out and said "let's go" and he smiled and came right over and grabbed my hand. This made bmom smile that he came to me and I thought I was pretty special to have him do that. It made my day when he did that.
As we prepared to leave, I asked her about meeting on Sunday which we had briefly discussed Tuesday at the agency. She told us that she now has Sundays off- this made me so happy because she has been working 7 days a week 4- midnight. We arranged to meet Sunday at 3 at a local McD play land. This way our 2 boys can play and she gets to meet B as well.
* She did not get her glucose screen done on Wednesday like we had thought she was getting. She will get this done next Thursday at her next appointment. We are looking forward to going again as well. This will take a few hours for the test, so I am a bit nervous about filing the time with topics to discuss for that length of time. I am wondering how everyone else has gotten to know their bmom's. I know it will just take time, but I would welcome any tips.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Our first meeting
I am still so overwhelmed. I have never felt so loved by our God. Does He really love me this much? I have waited for so long for this. I get teary when I think too long about how much is happening.
Matt and I arrived in the office first. We were scheduled a half hour earlier so we could review a few things with our case worker. It was also the first time for us to meet this new case worker. She knew how nervous I was the day before but I think I had relaxed a little by the time we got there. I don't remember much of what we went over during that time. One thing I know I had asked was if she could give us a heads up on the names that bmom had in mind. We had agreed that we were open to bmom naming the baby. During our training however, they had told us some stories of a few "different" names that have come though the agency. I still feel like I was open to bmom naming, I just was worried about my reaction if they were really crazy names. I didn't want to be like , uh, yeah.....those are okay..... She shared her 3 girl names and 3 boy names (being careful not to tell us the gender). They were all fine- I didn't especially love them but they were completely fine.
Shortly after that the phone buzzed that Bmom had arrived. Bmom is parenting a 2 year old and would be bringing him along as well as a (male) support friend. Case worker walked out to get them and took them into a room across the hall first. Matt saw the little boy walking down the hall and was able to catch a glimpse of him as he passed the door. After just a few minutes we heard case worker open the door and say "are you going to come with me" and we could tell she was bringing the little boy with her to get us.
I took a deep breath and started across the hall...........
I was smiling and scared as heck, but hoping a didn't look like a grinning idiot or have a stressed out look on my face. I remember looking for bmom right away in the room- she looked unsure what to do as well but she started to stand. I took her starting to stand and greet us as a nice sign and gave her a little hug and said nice to meet you. Case worker introduced us to the friend and we shook his hand. Matt gave her a little hug as well.
Case worker got us started with Matt and I telling about ourselves..where we grew up, what we do, etc. Then bmom told us some about herself. We had been told she was very quiet and that it was hard to get her to answer more than just the questions but she told us more than I was expecting from what they had said about her being so quiet. She seemed to like telling us about herself and her family.
Case worker guided us on telling a few more things back and forth and then she asked bmom if she wanted to share the gender. She told us that the ultrasound last week showed that it was a girl. This was the only time I really cried. I could not believe it! Such a dream for me! (she did forget the ultrasound pics at home, I was bummed about that- oh well though...they all look alike anyways on ultrasounds!)
A few other things that we learned about her was:
She is anemic
They told her the baby is big.
She works 7 days a week
Her mom does not support the adoption but lives very far away and is not in good health
We talked about openness and what she was wanting. She told us that she would like pictures and letters and 1-2 visits a year. She said she wanted her little boy to know that he had a sister and why she made the choice that she did. She told us that she was struggling to take care of him and wanted this baby to go to a home where they were going to be loved. I think it was obvious how much she loves the little boy and realizes that she can't take care of two. I think we were hoping for a little more relationship but I know that can come down the road. I just want to make sure she feels welcome to be a part of our family as well.
She told us that she wants us to come to doctors appointments be at the hospital during delivery. She said not in the room at delivery because she is embarrassed but just outside. She talked about wanting us to get a band at the hospital so we can get the baby from the nursery. Case worker had told us that they not talked about delivery yet, so I am assuming she has talked to friends/ thought a lot about this to think of all those details.
When I felt like we were nearing the end, I asked her if she had anything else she wanted to ask us or know about us- she couldn't get it out fast enough....She said, "when do I get to meet your son?" She told us that his letter that he wrote in our profile touched her heart. She quoted one line from his letter that said, "I have been waiting to be a brother for YEARS!!!" This was really special to Matt and I because we know that it will mean a lot to B when he gets older to find out how much his letter had to do with her choosing us.
She told us that she has a doctors apt. on Thursday and we exchanged phone numbers. We decided that Matt and I would meet her at the doctors office and figure out the date Thursday that we can get together with B.
Bmom, her son and friend left first and we stayed to sign a few more things with case worker. I told her that she talked more than I had expected and she told us that she had never seen her talk so much.
Matt and I arrived in the office first. We were scheduled a half hour earlier so we could review a few things with our case worker. It was also the first time for us to meet this new case worker. She knew how nervous I was the day before but I think I had relaxed a little by the time we got there. I don't remember much of what we went over during that time. One thing I know I had asked was if she could give us a heads up on the names that bmom had in mind. We had agreed that we were open to bmom naming the baby. During our training however, they had told us some stories of a few "different" names that have come though the agency. I still feel like I was open to bmom naming, I just was worried about my reaction if they were really crazy names. I didn't want to be like , uh, yeah.....those are okay..... She shared her 3 girl names and 3 boy names (being careful not to tell us the gender). They were all fine- I didn't especially love them but they were completely fine.
Shortly after that the phone buzzed that Bmom had arrived. Bmom is parenting a 2 year old and would be bringing him along as well as a (male) support friend. Case worker walked out to get them and took them into a room across the hall first. Matt saw the little boy walking down the hall and was able to catch a glimpse of him as he passed the door. After just a few minutes we heard case worker open the door and say "are you going to come with me" and we could tell she was bringing the little boy with her to get us.
I took a deep breath and started across the hall...........
I was smiling and scared as heck, but hoping a didn't look like a grinning idiot or have a stressed out look on my face. I remember looking for bmom right away in the room- she looked unsure what to do as well but she started to stand. I took her starting to stand and greet us as a nice sign and gave her a little hug and said nice to meet you. Case worker introduced us to the friend and we shook his hand. Matt gave her a little hug as well.
Case worker got us started with Matt and I telling about ourselves..where we grew up, what we do, etc. Then bmom told us some about herself. We had been told she was very quiet and that it was hard to get her to answer more than just the questions but she told us more than I was expecting from what they had said about her being so quiet. She seemed to like telling us about herself and her family.
Case worker guided us on telling a few more things back and forth and then she asked bmom if she wanted to share the gender. She told us that the ultrasound last week showed that it was a girl. This was the only time I really cried. I could not believe it! Such a dream for me! (she did forget the ultrasound pics at home, I was bummed about that- oh well though...they all look alike anyways on ultrasounds!)
A few other things that we learned about her was:
She is anemic
They told her the baby is big.
She works 7 days a week
Her mom does not support the adoption but lives very far away and is not in good health
We talked about openness and what she was wanting. She told us that she would like pictures and letters and 1-2 visits a year. She said she wanted her little boy to know that he had a sister and why she made the choice that she did. She told us that she was struggling to take care of him and wanted this baby to go to a home where they were going to be loved. I think it was obvious how much she loves the little boy and realizes that she can't take care of two. I think we were hoping for a little more relationship but I know that can come down the road. I just want to make sure she feels welcome to be a part of our family as well.
She told us that she wants us to come to doctors appointments be at the hospital during delivery. She said not in the room at delivery because she is embarrassed but just outside. She talked about wanting us to get a band at the hospital so we can get the baby from the nursery. Case worker had told us that they not talked about delivery yet, so I am assuming she has talked to friends/ thought a lot about this to think of all those details.
When I felt like we were nearing the end, I asked her if she had anything else she wanted to ask us or know about us- she couldn't get it out fast enough....She said, "when do I get to meet your son?" She told us that his letter that he wrote in our profile touched her heart. She quoted one line from his letter that said, "I have been waiting to be a brother for YEARS!!!" This was really special to Matt and I because we know that it will mean a lot to B when he gets older to find out how much his letter had to do with her choosing us.
She told us that she has a doctors apt. on Thursday and we exchanged phone numbers. We decided that Matt and I would meet her at the doctors office and figure out the date Thursday that we can get together with B.
Bmom, her son and friend left first and we stayed to sign a few more things with case worker. I told her that she talked more than I had expected and she told us that she had never seen her talk so much.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
It's A ....
The visit went very well. I was able to relax once we got there. I'm so exhausted from not sleeping the last two nights so I will have to write more later.
I LOVE PINK!!!!!
Monday, April 2, 2012
I can barely breathe
My stomach hurts oh so bad, it is just in knots. Tomorrow is the day that I will remember for the rest of my life. I can't believe we are here. I can't believe we will be there. I should be in bed, resting, relaxing. Instead, I am crying, wondering, praying. I don't know what I'm wearing. I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know what I will do. How do we do this???
I feel like I might get sick. Do you think birthmom is laying awake? Is she nervous about meeting us? Case worker told me this afternoon that bmom is really quiet and doesn't say a lot. She answers questions but doesn't give you lots more than what you asked for. She thinks that maybe she has a hard time showing emotion. I have a hard time containing my emotions.
I can't wait to find out if baby is a boy or a girl. Case worker said bmom is bringing us pictures from the ultrasound and will share the news with us. I don't want to see pain and heartache in bmom. My heart is hurting for her already. I don't want to feel like we are taking someones baby.
I feel like I might get sick. Do you think birthmom is laying awake? Is she nervous about meeting us? Case worker told me this afternoon that bmom is really quiet and doesn't say a lot. She answers questions but doesn't give you lots more than what you asked for. She thinks that maybe she has a hard time showing emotion. I have a hard time containing my emotions.
I can't wait to find out if baby is a boy or a girl. Case worker said bmom is bringing us pictures from the ultrasound and will share the news with us. I don't want to see pain and heartache in bmom. My heart is hurting for her already. I don't want to feel like we are taking someones baby.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Still in a Daze
I still can't really believe all of this is happening and happening so fast at that! We spent Friday night telling our family and a handful of friends that knew about our "project" we had been working on. Saturday I cleaned around the house and emptied out two pieces of furniture from the basement I want to use in the baby room. I called a few more friends and opened up the circle of who knows our news. I know my grandpa has called every single one of his friends to share the news so it will be getting around soon.
Matt told a few people at work and looked at the calendar in regards to trying to get some time off in May. It doesn't look that promising because one of the girls he works with took 3 weeks off for her wedding. I told him we will make it work and that we can't be upset at her for having that time off. This is a major life event to her and she has been there longer.
I told two other friends at church this morning and my ladies group this evening. I still don't feel like we have made it officially public yet however.
Our son B asked tonight if when babies come out of a mommy's tummy (I had him c-section....so babies do come out of tummies around here!) they have a diaper on.
Here is a picture of us on Friday night at Matt's aunt's house. My face is a mess from all of the crying I had been doing all day!!!
Matt told a few people at work and looked at the calendar in regards to trying to get some time off in May. It doesn't look that promising because one of the girls he works with took 3 weeks off for her wedding. I told him we will make it work and that we can't be upset at her for having that time off. This is a major life event to her and she has been there longer.
I told two other friends at church this morning and my ladies group this evening. I still don't feel like we have made it officially public yet however.
Our son B asked tonight if when babies come out of a mommy's tummy (I had him c-section....so babies do come out of tummies around here!) they have a diaper on.
Here is a picture of us on Friday night at Matt's aunt's house. My face is a mess from all of the crying I had been doing all day!!!
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