This year the pairings were split into three groups. I was in the second group. You can find a list of all other interviews in my group here.
And now.... introducing>>>>>>> AMY!
1. You have been waiting longer than expected and through a
couple of difficult adoption situations. Can you summarize for us where
you are at on your journey?
Yes, here is our timeline for our adoption journey so far:
Summer 2008 Attended information session for our agency (in California)
October 2008 Attended Weekend Intensive and began paperwork for home study
January 2009 Completed paperwork, Dear Birthmother Letter and website
February 2009 Went “live” with our agency
March 2009 First contact via email, no response ever received back
Found out I was pregnant
May 2009 Miscarried baby (found out day after Mother’s Day)
*** June 2009 to August 2011- Two home study updates, two letter redesigns and lots of contacts, but no match!
August 2011 Matched with expectant mom who was a friend of a friend of a friend
Unmatched two days later
March 2012 Third home study update- still lots of contacts, but no match!
November 2012 Jim is offered transfer with his job to Terre Haute, Indiana. He accepts!
February 2013 Go on “hold” with our agency during the move
March 2013 Close on our home
April 2013 Begin home study for Indiana (same agency but new state)
May/June 2013 Work on paperwork, redesign letter, update websites
July 2013 Go “live” with our agency in Indiana
August
2013 Two contacts in one week! One never calls
back. The other, L, I talk with multiple times a week for the next
month!
September 2013 Match with L, begin planning for baby girl in December
October 2013 Find out that L is a fraud and has been scamming us
Wow!
That’s a lot when I put it all down on paper! So now we are back “live”
with our agency, prayerfully and hopefully waiting for our match and
happily ever after
2.
Adoption is such a long and lonely road. How do you and Jim keep each
other's spirit up and support each other during the wait? Do you have
others to lean on with adoption experience?
Our
biggest source of strength and hope has been our faith in God. That’s
how we have made it through the tough times. That’s why we haven’t
given up despite a longer than normal wait. We truly believe that God
has a plan for our lives and that it is not only a good plan, but it is
the best plan for us!
We also have amazing family and
friends. They celebrate with us. They cry with us. They encourage us.
They love us. We are so very thankful to have them in our lives.
3. What do you think will be the biggest change in your life once you have settled into parenthood?
Lack of sleep!!!! Haha
Ok, although less sleep will be a change, I think the biggest
adjustment will be how we spend our time. Jim and I have been a family
of two for almost nineteen years! We have our routines and hobbies. We
can be out of the house in ten minutes if we want to go see a movie.
Packing for a trip is not a complicated process. All of that will change
when we become a family of three!!! There will be less time for hobbies
or watching TV. Our routines will be thrown aside to take care our
baby’s needs. Getting out of the house or packing for a trip will
require a lot of planning and patience. And…we can’t wait for that to
happen!!! We will gladly give up sleep, arrive late to family
gatherings and have more nights in at home because the joys of
parenthood far outweigh any sacrifices we might need to make.
4.
You say that you are open to adoption of a child of a different race;
how do you plan to incorporate their heritage and culture into your
lifestyle?
I’m sure this isn’t a complete list, but here are our top three priorities right now:
1) Make sure there are important people in our lives that look like our child.
Some may disagree with us, but we think this is vitally important. How
we look is part of our identity. We have a very diverse family and are
members of a multi-cultural church. We have friends from many different
backgrounds. We are very committed to having an open relationship with
our child’s birth parents. All of this will help our child to always
have positive role models from his/her race.
2) Celebrate our child’s birth heritage/culture.
There are so many fun ways to do this- books, food, music, holidays,
festivals, language studies, trips- the possibilities are endless! We
already have a growing collection of multi-cultural picture books and
both Jim and I enjoy learning about cultures different from our own.
3) Be ready to answer the tough questions.
Not that we will have all the answers! But we always want the lines
of communication to be open. We need to be willing to answer the tough
questions and to seek out information when we don’t have the answer.
5. How and when do you plan on sharing your adoption story with your child?
We plan to share our child’s adoption story from birth! Obviously,
newborns don’t understand language, but we want adoption to be talked
about right from the beginning. My friend has a tradition of sharing a
retelling of her kids’ birth stories with them each year on their
birthdays. They love hearing all the details (in age appropriate terms
of course) of how they came to join their family and the feelings of
anticipation, excitement and love surrounding their arrivals. I love
this idea! I also plan to put together a picture book with our child’s
own unique adoption/birth story. As our child grows, more details will
be added. And of course we want our child to always be comfortable
asking us (or birth parents) any questions that come up.
6. What is the best way to describe your feelings about your infertility?
I am at peace with it. I have been pregnant once (soon after starting
the adoption process), but lost the baby to miscarriage. I believe it
can happen again, but I am ok if it doesn’t. Not that I don’t ever have a
bad day, but I really am content with however God chooses to add to our
family. Jim and I talked about adoption even before we were married. We
have never considered it to be a “second best” option or plan B.
Adoption has always been something we wanted to do.
7.
How did you view open adoption when you first began considering
adoption as a way to build your family? I know at first I was not
familiar with exactly what open adoption was. I still find that when I
share information about our relationship with our daughter's birth
family some people don't understand why we would want to be in contact
with them. What kind of reaction do you get when you share your adoption
plans with others ?
Jim and I had never heard
of open adoption when we first started the process. At first, it did
sound a little scary. But the more we read and talked, the more it made
sense as the best option for everyone involved. We hope that our child’s
birth parents will want to be involved and build a relationship with
us.
Most of our family and friends have been very
supportive- especially once we explain what open adoption really is all
about! That it is not shared parenting, but it is shared loved and
respect!
8. I know
you watch the children of friends and family often and enjoy that time
with these little ones. What about the baby showers and cute pregnancy
announcements that are around. Is this something that is difficult for
you?
My reaction to baby showers and pregnancy
announcements varies a lot depending on where I am emotionally at the
time. Sometimes it doesn’t faze me at all. Other times, I need to excuse
myself to have a good cry. It’s never a matter of not being happy for
the expectant mom…it is sometimes a matter of me questioning why our
baby isn’t home with us yet. I have attended most baby showers that I
have been invited to. If it’s a close friend or family member, I attend
whether I am having a good day or not. If it’s not someone close to me, I
have learned to give myself permission not to go and to just send a
gift instead.
9. What are your biggest fears in the adoption process? Pre and post baby fears
My biggest pre baby fear- Not being chosen!
My biggest post baby fear- Like most moms- what if I mess up and don’t know what to do?
10.
In regards to your recent failed match, how has it changed your opinion
(if at all) about the match/placement process moving forward? I have
heard about adoption scams and am just blown away by how someone could
be so heartless.
I think is has made us wiser
and more cautious. I don’t want it to make us jaded and we have fought
really hard to make sure that doesn’t happen. We have forgiven L. We
pray for her and hope that she will turn her life around and make good
choices in the future. It’s not easy. There are still feelings of
betrayal and anger that we have had to deal with. We also had to make
adjustments to our profile while we recover from the financial loss of
the scam. Most importantly we had to take time to grieve. Even though
there was no baby (she had lied about being pregnant and had falsified
proof of pregnancy), in our hearts our little girl was on her way to us.
So in that sense the baby was very real to us.
Moving
forward, we want to keep our hearts open. We still believe that there
is a baby for us… that our arms will one day be filled…that our “happily
ever after” will come. So we continue to hope, to pray and to trust!
11.
I know I spent a lot of time trying to learn as much as I could during
our waiting process. I know you have mentioned doing some reading as
well. What do you feel you are doing to prepare yourself for becoming an
adoptive family? Books, websites, blogs, magazines, other adoptive
families, conventions, small groups, etc?
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Please be sure to check out Jim and Amy's blog and leave them some love. They are more than ready to welcome a little one home and I pray it happens soon for them! They are settled in to their beautiful new home and waiting with open arms. You can also read my answers over there too!
