I was really looking forward to our training days last week. We were scheduled to be at the agency for our final 2 days of training from 10-8 on Thursday and 9-4 on Friday. Matt had the two days off this time, so sleep was not an issue for him this time, thankfully.
It was fun to see the other families again and we day one was spent discussing loss and grief issues . They stressed that adoptive parents must face the loss of a fantasy child...a child that they would have carried biologically, resembled a mix of the parents, etc. There are several other avenues of loss and grief that adoptive parents must face before moving forward as well.
We also had the opportunity to work with our spouse and create "our story" on poster paper. This was our opportunity to share where we had been and how we got to where we were today with our infertility. I had only briefly spoken with a few others so didn't really know how anyone else had ended up here. Everyone's story was somewhat unique, but everyone had some common threads. They were all filled with heartache and some had been on a longer road (16 years) and some only a few short years. I don't think that any of the couples shared their story without tears. There were only two couples who have had a hysterectomy (us being one of them) so the old saying of "just adopt, you'll get pregnant) will definitely NOT be happening with us. One of the other couples has had a vasectomy due to it being too dangerous for the wife to get pregnant for health reasons. That leaves 3 couples for the old saying to come true for...but I would call it a miracle after hearing what each of them have been through.
One couple has a bit of a different experience going on right now and this is what I have really liked about the agency so far. They do not seem to be black and white on their "policies" but look at each case/ family individually. This is what I mentioned in the beginning when they could have easily told us that they can't work with us because we are not in the correct county. Instead, they told us that we were welcome because we were still very close. I am so thankful that this agency really seems to have a giant heart.
We had a speaker who was an adult "adoptee" and she did a fantastic job. She was such a fun gal, and it was great to hear her story from her point of view.
Much of the afternoon was spent discussing transracial adoption. This is part of our Adoptive Family Questionnaire that we have to turn in with our profile. More on what this AFQ includes later.
4 of us couples went for dinner together and it was a nice time to relax and get to visit.
The night ended with the adoptive parent panel. We had three couples who came to speak and two of them brought their children. It was very interesting to hear how their families came about and how they are learning to make open adoption work in their families. They presented a side that did not seem to be as rosey as the birth moms did. Listening to both of the panels during these training sessions has been one of my favorite parts. I love hearing the real life stories and see how their experiences have played out.
Day two was dragging on a little bit. Some of the info seemed to be repetitive like we had already discussed it or read it in our books. We went over attachment and bonding, scenarios, and building your family through adoption.
We did some role playing situations where we read actual comments that birth parents have had said to them. The counselors were trying to teach us that we can use humor, education opportunity, or ignore/ walk away to respond to these situations. Some of the scenarios were:
"How could someone just "give away" their baby"?
"What is it"?
"Who is his/ her real mom and dad"?
"What if you change your mind, can you give them back"?
"What if you get pregnant now? Then what would you do with him/ her"?
"How much did he/ she cost?"
Seriously? Wow. I am curious to know what others have/ said done in these situations.
Once again, four of us couples went to lunch. One of the couples had the idea for us to get together in the fall and spring at a nearby state park to encourage and support each other as we watch each others families grow. I love the idea and hope that we can make it work. I simply can't wait to hear when each of the families gets "their call". I am already so happy for each of them!
The very last hour of the day was finally what we had been waiting for. They gave us the Adoptive Family Questionnaire (to select what we are / are not comfortable with, the profile specifications, and we had the opportunity to review several sample profiles.
This is one thing that I wish they would have done differently. I felt like we were short on time and rushed as we discussed this info. The packet with profile specifications is very detailed but I everyone was so excited to look at samples, that no one was really listening to them talk as we skimmed through the samples.
Our training days are done and we scheduled our final home study interview for November 1st. This one will be at least 2 hours. Once our profile is in and our backgrounds are back- we will be officially waiting!
Showing posts with label training days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label training days. Show all posts
Monday, October 24, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Putting it into words
I am finding it very difficult to put all of this into words. We had our 2 training days for this month that the agency requires us to do and I have been trying to find the right things to say about our days spent there. I don't think I can describe the emotions and excitement I had during those days but I'll give it my best. One of the counselors said it best on the first day...you are getting in line for a roller coaster ride--full of waiting, highs and lows. The training was held Thursday from 10-8 and Friday from 9-4.
First of all, Matt had to work the night shift the night before the training. He came home and took about a 45 minute nap before getting up to shower and head to the agency with me. We called the bank regarding our loan on the way there (we had dropped of our papers about a week and a half earlier) and the loan officer told us flat out that he forgot about it and hadn't looked at it since we dropped it off. We arrived at the office about 15 or 20 minutes early and both had to use the rest room so we headed into the building . We were the first couple there so we got to pick our spot in the conference room. We introduced ourselves to the next two couples and started chatting with them.
As the day got started, we introduced ourselves and told about what we did and what we were leaving behind. There was quite a mix of people/ occupations in our group of 6 couples. We have a contractor, pediatrician, airline upholstery person, financial adviser, attorney, sports guy, gal from the college of nursing, masonry guy, substitute teacher, and a mechanic. Only one of the couples besides us had a child and they had an 8 year old daughter. They also lived either in our area or with in a few hours. Most talked about leaving behind their work, cell phones, emails, etc but Matt said he was leaving behind sleep.
The day was led by the adoption supervisor and the three counselors. After introductions we got into some history and then and now type stuff with video and discussion. They reviewed positive adoption language and many of us laughed and how many members of our families need educated on this. We watched another short film that was basically an inspiration type.
Lunch was brought in and by this time Matt was dying. He thought he was going to be able to do it on no sleep but he couldn't take it. He looked terrible! It was only noon and we had until 8 PM. I was teary and tried to tell him that I wouldn't be mad if we needed to pull out and apply again in the spring for the program. He insisted in not doing that but he was a mess. Lunch was lasagna and watching a movie on birthfathers. I now he was having such a hard time with just sitting and listening.
By the afternoon, they told us over the break that if Matt wanted to go home and miss the birth parent panel, he could. I hated for him to miss this opportunity, but he had to work that night and be back at training the next morning. We decided that he would go home. I drove him back during the dinner break and got back just in time for the evening portion.
We had 3 birth moms speak on the panel. This is the part that I have the hardest time putting into words. It was amazing to hear these three speak. Two have participated in the panel several times and have great contact with their 13 and 9 year olds, respectively. The new speaker has a 5 year old and still has a difficult time with her decision, even though she knows it was the best choice for her baby.
We had some really good questions for the birth moms and everyone enjoyed hearing them speak and learning what they had to share with us.
The second day Matt got off work and drove to the parking lot of the agency to sleep for about 90 minutes in his truck. I drove up and met him there. I tapped on his window and woke him up about 5 minutes to start time. Two of the biggest items we discussed on day two were hospital stays and change of heart. The discussions were good and everyone was starting to open up a little more in the room. Matt was doing much better on day two.
Most of us went to lunch together during our 75 minute break. It was nice to get to chat with some of the others and one couple in particular Matt and I really enjoy. I hope that we are able to keep in contact with them.
This brings me to the thoughts I had during the informational meeting with the other couple. I felt so competitive for one of the spots. I wished them luck wholeheartedly but I felt like everything was a contest for those select spots. In the room with the 5 other couples, I felt nothing but a bond with these people as we prepare for this journey together. I want nothing more than to encourage, support, and celebrate with these families as they are all selected for their baby that God has in his plans for them to parent. I can't wait to hear the news when each one gets a placement. I do not care if we are the last in the group to get our placement, for I know this baby will be the one for us. The competitive feeling came from just wanting a chance- I just wanted to be in so I knew that we were actually working towards our baby.
I will be back this week to post some facts/ statistics about the placements the agency has done this year and a few other pieces of info I want to share.
We booked our first appointment with our counselor for visit #1 of our home study. She is coming down tomorrow afternoon, so needless to say, I spent the weekend cleaning the house. I really am not worried about this, even though I hear so many people stress about their home study. I did go out and buy a fire extinguisher- they said that is one of the things they are looking for. I'll let you know how it goes!
First of all, Matt had to work the night shift the night before the training. He came home and took about a 45 minute nap before getting up to shower and head to the agency with me. We called the bank regarding our loan on the way there (we had dropped of our papers about a week and a half earlier) and the loan officer told us flat out that he forgot about it and hadn't looked at it since we dropped it off. We arrived at the office about 15 or 20 minutes early and both had to use the rest room so we headed into the building . We were the first couple there so we got to pick our spot in the conference room. We introduced ourselves to the next two couples and started chatting with them.
As the day got started, we introduced ourselves and told about what we did and what we were leaving behind. There was quite a mix of people/ occupations in our group of 6 couples. We have a contractor, pediatrician, airline upholstery person, financial adviser, attorney, sports guy, gal from the college of nursing, masonry guy, substitute teacher, and a mechanic. Only one of the couples besides us had a child and they had an 8 year old daughter. They also lived either in our area or with in a few hours. Most talked about leaving behind their work, cell phones, emails, etc but Matt said he was leaving behind sleep.
The day was led by the adoption supervisor and the three counselors. After introductions we got into some history and then and now type stuff with video and discussion. They reviewed positive adoption language and many of us laughed and how many members of our families need educated on this. We watched another short film that was basically an inspiration type.
Lunch was brought in and by this time Matt was dying. He thought he was going to be able to do it on no sleep but he couldn't take it. He looked terrible! It was only noon and we had until 8 PM. I was teary and tried to tell him that I wouldn't be mad if we needed to pull out and apply again in the spring for the program. He insisted in not doing that but he was a mess. Lunch was lasagna and watching a movie on birthfathers. I now he was having such a hard time with just sitting and listening.
By the afternoon, they told us over the break that if Matt wanted to go home and miss the birth parent panel, he could. I hated for him to miss this opportunity, but he had to work that night and be back at training the next morning. We decided that he would go home. I drove him back during the dinner break and got back just in time for the evening portion.
We had 3 birth moms speak on the panel. This is the part that I have the hardest time putting into words. It was amazing to hear these three speak. Two have participated in the panel several times and have great contact with their 13 and 9 year olds, respectively. The new speaker has a 5 year old and still has a difficult time with her decision, even though she knows it was the best choice for her baby.
We had some really good questions for the birth moms and everyone enjoyed hearing them speak and learning what they had to share with us.
The second day Matt got off work and drove to the parking lot of the agency to sleep for about 90 minutes in his truck. I drove up and met him there. I tapped on his window and woke him up about 5 minutes to start time. Two of the biggest items we discussed on day two were hospital stays and change of heart. The discussions were good and everyone was starting to open up a little more in the room. Matt was doing much better on day two.
Most of us went to lunch together during our 75 minute break. It was nice to get to chat with some of the others and one couple in particular Matt and I really enjoy. I hope that we are able to keep in contact with them.
This brings me to the thoughts I had during the informational meeting with the other couple. I felt so competitive for one of the spots. I wished them luck wholeheartedly but I felt like everything was a contest for those select spots. In the room with the 5 other couples, I felt nothing but a bond with these people as we prepare for this journey together. I want nothing more than to encourage, support, and celebrate with these families as they are all selected for their baby that God has in his plans for them to parent. I can't wait to hear the news when each one gets a placement. I do not care if we are the last in the group to get our placement, for I know this baby will be the one for us. The competitive feeling came from just wanting a chance- I just wanted to be in so I knew that we were actually working towards our baby.
I will be back this week to post some facts/ statistics about the placements the agency has done this year and a few other pieces of info I want to share.
We booked our first appointment with our counselor for visit #1 of our home study. She is coming down tomorrow afternoon, so needless to say, I spent the weekend cleaning the house. I really am not worried about this, even though I hear so many people stress about their home study. I did go out and buy a fire extinguisher- they said that is one of the things they are looking for. I'll let you know how it goes!
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